The Ravens on Fox
Hooray! A FOX broadcast team to spell us from the painstaking pipes of the typical, mundane CBS crews!
As I’ve preached many a time before, I will take a FOX broadcast crew any day over literally any of the CBS teams. And maybe that’s simply a function of being force-fed CBS on a weekly basis as an AFC team fanbase, while the FOX broadcasts for Baltimore are much less frequent. As a matter of fact, my broadcast power rankings look something like this:
- 98 Rock while CBS is on mute
- The voices in my head
That being said, in this week’s match-up between the Eagles and the Ravens, I firmly believe the tandem of Kenny Albert & Daryl Johnston were so caught up in their tom-foolery (they’re old, I figured that phrase fits well) that they completely forgot their was an actual football game going on.
And yet, having said what I just said was being said (?) this broadcast was still extremely entertaining, and the duo sprinkled in some solid football IQ to boot.
I’ll spare you the X’s and O’s. Let’s get into the fun stuff, shall we?
Pretty Sod First Quarter
The broadcast team opened with sideline report Laura Okmin discussing the Army/Navy game from the previous week resulting in the need to replace patches of sod.
But for Johnston and Albert to continue the sod chatter for the entire first quarter became a bit excessive (I wanted to say over-saturated, but that’s a stretch of a joke).
How excessive you ask?
TEN TIMES! They mentioned sod 10 times. Slip on the field? SOD! Player lifts their cleat and looks down? SOD! Quarterback misses a target? SOD! Marching band playing a song? Must be about SOD!
It was just sod, really (yea I doubled down on the dad jokes. Deal with it).
Craig Wrolstad’s Call
I’ll let this speak for itself.
“Pass interference, offense, on the wide guy.”
You can’t top that call. I actually went to nflpenalties.com to check out the penalty log in hopes that they would allocate the penalty to ‘wide guy.’ They called him ‘unnamed.’
But hey! At least this is a thing you can do if you’re an Eagles fan!
And of course this prompted a witty retort in the booth by Daryl Johnston, because, how can you not?
“Gotta watch out for that wide guy Kenny… wide guy is always shoving… look there’s the wide guy…”
A Decade (or two) Behind
After the Ryan Matthews touchdown in the 2nd quarter, the Eagles went for two, and succeeded in doing so when Ryan Matthews essentially barrel rolled over the offensive line and into the endzone.
Upon discussing the play, however, Daryl Johnston really showed his age, and lack of general concert knowledge really.
Kenny Albert: “How about Ryan Matthews… did you ever get that high… as a Dallas Cowboy?”
Daryl ‘Grandpa’ Johnston: “I never did… it looks like he was in a mosh pit at a Pearl Jam concert.”
Okay, first of all, Kenny Albert asked Daryl Johnston if he ever got that high and all I wanted him to say was “yea so this one time I hung out with Josh Gordon and Johnny Manziel…” But that’s asking far too much.
Stupid network censors…
But Johnston’s reply…. Pearl Jam? Does he realize they aren’t a thing anymore? I mean yea, you’ll hear it occasionally on the radio when they flashback to 1995, but come on man… You may as well have said Creed. Or Puddle of Mud. Or Staind. Or Nickelback. Or Kid Rock. Heck, had Johnston said Metallica he would have been better off. At least they’re still relevant with their ‘Hardwired to Self Destruct’ album out this year.
But no… let’s compare this to moshing while listening to Yellow Ledbetter as we try to decipher what Eddie Vetter is saying as he chews a mouthful of crunchy peanut butter…
And speaking of moshing, here’s a little rock concert 101 Daryl: a mosh pit is literally the antithesis of crowd surfing. In a mosh pit, there’s a ton of bodies slamming into each other on the ground, whereas crowd surfing puts you head and shoulders above the others, just as Ryan Matthews did here.
Freudian Slip/Quote of the Game
“We talked about it before, Baltimore controls their own density.“
So… I mean technically speaking, I guess they control their own density?
But let me slap on my tin foil hat, and read deeper into this: What if Johnston didn’t mean ‘density’ in terms of a measurement of mass, and more as a passive-aggressive knock on the Ravens coaching staff for their dense (stupid) play calling throughout this season.
After all, calling plays like, oh say, a pass on first down with 6-ish minutes left in the game, in scoring position and up 10 while trying to kill the clock?
Pretty friggin’ dense if you ask me.
And maybe it’s not so far fetched. Daryl Johnston did call out the Ravens inability to run a 2-minute drill earlier in the game (compared to the noticeable increase in speed this week). He clearly has awareness to know the Ravens shortcomings, and calling them dense only makes sense here.
Well played DJ. Well played indeed.
IMAGE OF THE GAME
This one totally caught my eye because it’s hands down the craziest thing I’ve ever seen at a football game.
Do you see it? It’s like… seriously? Who does that?????
NO. I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE GIANT BIRD-LIKE CREATURES.
I’ve literally never seen raw vegetables at a football game, unless they were alongside wings in a tailgate lot. Preferably buffalo wings. And never boneless because I’m not a chump. Also preferably medium heat, because too hot is just stupid unless you’re trying to impress somebody with your ability to suck back Scovilles, and mild is just boring. Old Bay is acceptable as well because this is Baltimore.
Also blue cheese, not ranch.
Now I want wings.
Legit question: Is it wrong to make wings on Christmas during the Ravens/Steelers game? I’m pretty sure that was one of the gifts the Wise Men brought baby Jesus, right? Like gold, frankincense, and buffalo wings?
I mean, surely Santa would approve. So at least I’ve got that going for me.