Heroes & Goats (Lamar Hunt Trophy Edition)

[RAVENOUS52]

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this are for entertainment purposes only and in no way reflect the beliefs of the management or administration of this delightful website. Any similarities to persons alive, dead, or Lee Evans is purely coincidental. And speaking of Lee, with his bitch-hands removed from the equation this season, the Mighty Ravens were able to roll up their sleeves, BUCKle Up and put foot to ass, leading us nicely into this AFC Championship edition of- Heroes & Goats...


HEROES:

1) JOE FLACCO- Outplayed Brady the Lady, manhandled the Patriots defense and totally avenged the loss from last year's playoff game like a BOSS. In fact, you slit his team's throat with such razor precision at GILLETTE Stadium that Bob Kraft may be calling you after the Super Bowl with an endorsement deal!

2) ANQUAN BOLDIN/DENNIS PITTA- Q, you said we'd win and I'll be dipped in shit if you didn't force the issue. Those Patriots DBs didn't know whether to be impressed or embarassed Sunday night!/I've already annointed you my favorite Ravens TE ever and you're easily as tough as any we've had in Purple and Black. Somebody should authorize Pitta to receive hazardous duty pay!

3) RAVENS DEFENSE- Giving up field goals instead of touchdowns was HUGE! Pounding the Patriots offense for 60 minutes like Traci Lords in a 10-man gangbang was COLOSSAL!! Snatching 3 turnovers and the hearts of Chowdaheads everywhere...PRICELESS!!!

4) RAVENS OFFENSIVE LINE- The way you dudes have been protecting him lately, Flacco has to be happier than James Harrison at a BALCO orgy!

5) RAVENS FANS- There's nothing more beautiful than seeing our fanbase travel well when it counts-- In the playoffs!! Well, maybe not better than seeing us celebrate with our AFC Champion Ravens as helpless zipperhead SpyGate fans choke wicked hawd on their Sam Adams Bawston Lawgah!! Next Stop: NEW ORLEANS!!


GOATS:

1) TOM BRADY- Throwing your cleated foot towards Ed Reed's groin region was a true BITCH move, bro. Have fun at home modeling UGGS instead of backing up Peyton Manning in the Pro Bowl, PUSSY...

2) PHIL SIMMS- The more you talk, the more I'm convinced that Jeff Hostetler would be a better option...AGAIN!

3) NFL OFFICIALS- You flag-happy sons of bitches can suck a fat baby's dick for allowing Pitta to nearly be decapitated without so much as batting an eye!!

4) CHYKIE BROWN/COREY GRAHAM- Look, I don't give a shit who's fault it was on that Welker TD... Both of you schmucks need to learn how to communicate like RAVENS!

5) ED DICKSON- You look like Tarzan, yet play like Jane... WTF MAN?

[Bigfish]

Pounding the Patriots offense for 60 minutes like Traci Lords in a 10-man gangbang was COLOSSAL!!

It's all good, but that had beer coming out of my nose.

[Derf]

This had me laughing from start to finish. Your best one yet. Hey and btw I love Sam Adams Bawston Lawgah.

[The Fanatic]

Both of you schmucks need to learn how to communicate like RAVENS!

I think you're spending a little too much time at the Israel side of your youth stomping grounds.

[rlh445]

'choke wicked hawd,' LOL. Oh man, that's Boston, MA alright.

[alienrace]

Great thread!

[RAVENOUS52]

It's all good, but that had beer coming out of my nose.

Please don't waste beer, brother!

This had me laughing from start to finish. Your best one yet. Hey and btw I love Sam Adams Bawston Lawgah.

Thanks Man. I drink Sam Adams occassionally. Good beer. Shitbag football fans.

I think you're spending a little too much time at the Israel side of your youth stomping grounds.

Oy Vey!!

'choke wicked hawd,' LOL. Oh man, that's Boston, MA alright.

Worst. Accents. EVER.

Great thread!

Thanks. Let's hope no attention whores show up to hijack it!

[Dade]

Entertaining as always Ravenous.

[IBleedPurple2127]

5) ED DICKSON- You look like Tarzan, yet play like Jane... WTF MAN?

LOL so true. I've been saying it since last year...Dickson has the worst hands I think I've ever seen in my life. Stick to blocking!

[ActualSpamBot]

I'm very offended by this thread.







Nah... Just kidding. This win is so sweet even the crustiest fucking leatherneck this side of R Lee Ermey had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for goats. What's to complain about? SUPER BOWL BABY!

[ravenjoe]

Thanks, R52.....always a treat! Maybe after leaving the service you and Dennis Miller can form a comedic tag team, you're that good.

[wickedsolo]

LOL so true. I've been saying it since last year...Dickson has the worst hands I think I've ever seen in my life. Stick to blocking!

Ed Dickson =

[sailorsam]

don't knw about best evah but Pitta is a worthy successor to Sharpe and Heap.

I always hoped we'd get to the SB wi Heap and Kelly Gregg. at least Reed will make it.

our fans certainly made some noise up there! makes me wonder how the Cheatriot fan base let so many tickets get out of town.

[ballhawk]

Awesome R52!

I'm gonna include OJ Brigance with the heroes cuz it is through our weaknesses that we are made perfect. And on that note, include the CBS camera crew with the goats for not showing the coin toss. OJ was out there as a captain.

My other heroes are the entire coaching staff. Shutting Brady out in the 2nd half (peas!!!) And cutting Flacco lose in the 2nd (harbs, caldwell!!!) and dropping 21 unanswered on those arrogant bitches!!!

[ravenjoe]

Awesome R52!

I'm gonna include OJ Brigance with the heroes cuz it is through our weaknesses that we are made perfect. And on that note, include the CBS camera crew with the goats for not showing the coin toss. OJ was out there as a captain.

My other heroes are the entire coaching staff. Shutting Brady out in the 2nd half (peas!!!) And cutting Flacco lose in the 2nd (harbs, caldwell!!!) and dropping 21 unanswered on those arrogant bitches!!!

Excellent points, especially regarding OJ! Great having him in the locker room afterwards - win this thing for Art, Torrie's Brother, and OJ, as well as Ray, and the other veterans who are soooo deserving!

[RavenScallywag]

Honorable Mention to both Caldwell and Pees...

During the game, several of us cursed Pees and said things equating to "walk yourself home"...but in the end, the D stepped up BIG time in the 2nd half. But, that's not what even caused this post. I watched NFL Turning Point that showed how the Patriots used the no-huddle run game against the Texans to literally CARVE THEM UP. Then they showed the no-huddle runs vs the Ravens...all in all, 10 runs for 38 yards. We had them TOTALLY GAMEPLANNED. Their run game was not at all effective, so it forced Tom to beat us with an aerial attack. And we showed that a disciplined approach could force Brady to go flat.

Caldwell (and Harbaugh to some extent) did a great job adjusting the playcalling in the 2nd half and basically let Joe "take over" the offense. He finally started pushing the ball down field and our offense rolled.

[Captain Silver]

I'd like to throw a megaton out to Terrell Suggs for - "Tell them to have fun at the Pro Bowl. Arrogant motherfuckers!"

[RAVENOUS52]

Thanks, R52.....always a treat! Maybe after leaving the service you and Dennis Miller can form a comedic tag team, you're that good.

Glad you enjoyed it, man. Fuck Dennis Miller. He's a Steelers fan!

don't knw about best evah but Pitta is a worthy successor to Sharpe and Heap.

Never said he was the best ever. Just said he's my favorite ever. And yes, he's definitely a worthy successor to Sharpe and Heap. In Oz we Trust!

I'm gonna include OJ Brigance with the heroes cuz it is through our weaknesses that we are made perfect. And on that note, include the CBS camera crew with the goats for not showing the coin toss. OJ was out there as a captain.

My other heroes are the entire coaching staff. Shutting Brady out in the 2nd half (peas!!!) And cutting Flacco lose in the 2nd (harbs, caldwell!!!) and dropping 21 unanswered on those arrogant bitches!!!

Agreed. OJ is the MAN! Harbs, Pees, Caldwell and most of all, Ozzie and Bisciotti are one helluva combination! I wouldn't trade any of them in. And just think, we were so horny for Jason Garrett when he was available... WTF were we thinking?

[RAVENOUS52]

Entertaining as always Ravenous.

Thanks bro. Didn't mean to forget you. Members of your aviation-leaning brood were always good to me throughout my career. (Especially your women... )