Hello Baltimore Football Fans, it is I - Creepy Queen Rooney
Hello fans of the Ravens. I have decided to join your message board. I wanted to spread the word that as part of the new Collective Bargaining Agreement, I was voted "Creepiest Old Queen" by the other owners.
I consider this my third greatest accomplishment. #2 is being the Co-President and CEO of NAMBLA, where my job is to increase membership in our home city of Pittsburgh. And #1 is being founder of the Steelers - your cities hated rival.
I came here to provide 4 messages to the City that Reeds:
1) I apologize for employing a player as drunk and sloppy as Hines Ward. Not only should he be ashamed of his actions, but even he is too much of a fairy for me, dancing and wearing a tutu.
2) The Orioles need to stop making excuses and start spending more money on scouting. Otherwise, by training camp each year, you will only care about the Ravens. And this whole McPhail thing is not working.
3) Troy Palomalou is actually a woman.
4) The Capitals play in DC. They are not your team. Do not take precious air time away on your sports talk radio stations each April from the draft to let the Ovechkin bandwagon jumpers have their say. Stick to Baltimore sports only.
I, Queen Rooney, have spoken.