Heroes & Goats (Double-Nickel Edition)
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this post are for entertainment purposes only and in no way reflect the beliefs of the management or administration of this delightful website. Any similarities to persons alive, dead, or Lee Evans is purely coincidental. So love it or hate it, it's time for this week's adventure known simply as- Heroes & Goats... Proudly brought to you by the number 55. Also, given the resounding nature of the Ravens' slaughter of the hapless Raiduhs, there are NO GOATS this week.
1) JOE FLACCO- I would literally give my left testicle to see you play like this the rest of your career! Dude, you were so deeply immersed in your "Joe Cool" persona I could damn near see icicles forming on your freakin facemask!..In the words of T.O.: "THAT'S MY QUARTERBACK MAN!!"
2) TORREY SMITH/JACOBY JONES- Sticky fingers, blazing speed, great dance moves and a nose for the endzone... What's not to love? I'm in my living room cabbage-patching like a sumbitch over the fireworks display you two put on this week!
3) PAUL KRUGER- The most complete game of your career was EPIC, not only because you were everywhere at once, but because you STILL haven't reached your ceiling as a defender. BTW, you're so bad-ass that DEATH once admitted to having a near-PAUL KRUGER-experience.
4) DENNIS PITTA/ED DICKSON- Best all around performance for our TEs in a good long time. Dennis "The Minotaur" Pitta showed why he's Sizzle and Joe's favorite target, while Dickson rebounded from the doldrums of recent weeks. Made me happier than Jerry Sandusky at a Chuck E. Cheese in the Phillipines... (Yes, I went there.)
5) RAVENS SPECIAL TEAMS- Now THIS is the way a team coached by a former ST coach is capable of playing! Keep making a difference, especially on the SCOREBOARD, men...
6) RAY RICE- Three things that make me smile: Cold beer with charred meat, that picture of Baltimore Greg with green teeth and Ray Rice running into the endzone each week.
7) TERRELL SUGGS/DEANGELO TYSON/COURTNEY UPSHAW- Y'all batted down so many passes that if football doesn't work out, you dudes definitely have a future on the professional volleyball circuit! Glad to see the Texans game taught us SOMETHING!
8) BERNARD POLLARD/CARY WILLIAMS/COREY GRAHAM/CHYKIE BROWN- I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by the overall solid job you guys did in coverage, especially on deep balls. Even my main man Cary Williams emerged from this game with barely a skid mark in his undies!
9) RAVENS FAN- Not sure those of you who were at the game or watching at home saw this dude with the BALTIMORE FUCKIN' MARYLAND tee-shirt on the left, but CBS cameras sure did going into the half!! Take THAT, FCC!!
10) MIKE BRISIEL- Bro, you committed so many penalties for the Raiduhs, that even Michael Oher came over to you at halftime and gave you a hug!! Thanks man!!