Five hours and six minutes. That was the elapsed time between Steve McNair’s arrest and the taunting phone calls I received (from Ravens fans) over the lack of control Joe Gibbs has with my favorite football team. “You do realize that your quarterback just got thrown in jail,†I said. “It takes a lot of nerve to call me and bust on my squad when you may be rooting for Kyle Boller the first week of the season.†But that didn’t stop the calls. The Raven fans needed to divert their attention.
It’s no different from Tom Cruise praying for a celebrity screw up so we could forget about him jumping on Oprah’s couch.
Winning is the ultimate deodorant. It masks problems, improves chemistry and delays negativity. As a fan, winning provides you with the ultimate trash-talking shield. You can talk endless smack on Sundays, torment friends during the week and relive the glory a weekend later. It justifies arrogance and if you’re a fan of a losing team, there’s nothing you can do about it. This would help explain my lack of response when I received the harassing calls lambasting my Redskins and the minicamp absences of Sean Taylor and Shawn Springs. What made the calls remarkable was the fact that they took place mere hours AFTER it was reported that McNair was arrested with his brother-in-law!!
It didn’t matter that the quarterback of the purple and black just got done chilling with Bubba behind bars. It didn’t matter that the Baltimore roster was once comprised of an accused murderer, a cocaine dealer and a wannabe card shark. All that matters is the Ravens continue to win and the Redskins don’t. As long as that holds true, I will always be limited in my retort to Ravens fans. I had a lot of fun on the radio convincing Baltimore fans that Roger Goodell was going to drop the suspension hammer on McNair but the truth is, I don’t see it happening. No matter what the law is in Nashville, it was obvious McNair was trying to do the right thing and be responsible and for that, he shouldn’t be punished.
You did what? – Let’s keep things in Tennessee and update you on the Pacman Jones saga. According to ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, Jones was seen at a New York City strip club the night BEFORE meeting with the Commissioner in April to discuss his NFL future. That’s like arriving hammered to your first AA meeting. It’s no different from showing up pregnant in a hospital with a cigarette in your mouth. Why not just invite Mel Gibson over for Yom Kippur? Then, in an effort to top himself, police stopped Pacman last week for speeding four days before his second meeting with Goodell to appeal the suspension!!!
Sticky Icky Ricky – As hard as this is to believe, there may be a bigger idiot than Pacman. That’s right, Ricky has come to the rescue. He reportedly failed his fifth drug test last month just weeks after telling Dan Patrick he hadn’t blazed in three years. Riiiiiigghht. The positive test can’t come as a surprise. My favorite part of the story was the statement issued by Ricky after smoking his latest joint:
“Last month, following a psychological evaluation requested by the NFL, we — the psychiatrist and I — came to the realization that there were a few things I needed to iron out about myself in order to make my return to the NFL as successful as possible.â€
Really Ricky? A few things? Thanks for the epiphany. Heres a list of things Ricky needs to work on before stepping back on the field:
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Come to the realization that Papa Roach isn’t an old blunt
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Stop mentoring Cedric Benson
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Discontinue your Cheetos stock options
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Realize its ok to talk without a helmet on
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Visine is always an option for job interviews
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Take down your Bob Marley poster
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Erase Snoop’s cell number
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420 should only relate to your forty time
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Try not to wash your bong more than your dishes
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Understand that the ebola virus is not a type of weed
Now since Ricky and Pacman will not be playing football this year, I ask you, what would make for a better reality show than putting these two together in a house and following them around Real World style? I dare you to pitch a better idea than one focusing on two ex-football players playing with marijuana, yoga and strippers. Oh wait, I think I just described “Playmakers.†Still, tell me you wouldn’t tune in every week. It’s almost as if these two decided to engage in a battle of “top this wackjob†and so far, Jones is winning by a dreadlock.
Favre Has Had Enough – I hate to use this analogy but it’s too perfect; Brett Favre is the David Wooderson of the Green Bay Packers. He’s that old guy who keeps showing up to the high school and college parties. It’s clear the Packers want to undergo a youth movement and that obviously can’t happen with Favre around. If you look closely at the Packer offseason moves over the past three years, it’s apparent they are trying to rebuild. The problem is Favre is bigger than the team. If Ted Thompson ran him out of town, he would disappear faster than McCulley Culkin. So since you’re “stuck†with number four, why not give him the necessary weapons to succeed in that putrid division? Aside from drafting A.J. Hawk, Green Bay has lost Ahman Green, failed to replace Bubba Franks, protected him with an inexperienced offensive line and passed on the Randy Moss deal. If you were Favre, wouldn’t you be pissed too?
BREAKING NEWS ALERT: It is currently 2:15 pm and Sean Taylor is OFFICIALLY at Redskins Park practicing with the Skins. As soon as Shawn Springs shows up I’ll be returning your phone calls Raven fans so keep a line open for me.
