The Texans will arrive with a familiar face in tow

Fantasy The Texans will arrive with a familiar face in tow

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I decided to take a bye week, but if I did, then people might be tempted to seek entertainment elsewhere or even PAY to read badly written articles or even worse, read poorly moderated message boards. So I have ended my one day bye week and returned as Baltimore’s purple beacon of light!

The Texans are coming to town! 

No Andre Johnson, he tore his hamstring, and his coach said he may play.  Sorry, not buying it.  You may want to have your star player at least get the stitches out before you stick him in the game.  They are also without Mario Williams, who tore his pectoral muscle.  Another surgery, but I suppose Gary Kubiak is going to play him as well even though he is on injured reserve.  Oh that clever coach with a .476 winning percentage, please don’t trick us!

But never fear Texan fan!  You have new hope!  That is right; the Texans have just traded for a receiver that can take over a game like no one’s business.  Well, a game of shuffle board that is.  Perhaps this is news to you but Derrick Mason has been kicked out by Rex Ryan for shooting off his mouth.  That’s bad when Rex is kicking you to the curb for talking.  Almost like Mick Jagger telling Steven Tyler his lips are too big, or Steeler Girl saying you’re fat and ugly.

Back to the shuffle board, something Mason should be standing around with other retirees.  This is no old timer’s league.  I mean his five and six yard comebacks where he drops to the ground as soon as the ball is caught is great on 3rd down, but for him to talk like he is still in a league with a Randy Moss or Jerry Rice in their prime is ludicrous.  But Derrick, you are on their current level, you just haven’t signed those retirement papers. 

Sad thing is, had Derrick talked less, he might still be a Raven today, helping the team on spot downs.  Why does Leon from Budweiser seem to fit Derrick these days?  Oh yes, 3rd team in less than a year.
For posterity, I thought I would take a brief look at what all the former Ravens (you remember – those players we couldn’t do without) are doing thus far into the season:
  • Derrick Mason – 5 games, 13 receptions, 115 yards, 8.8 ypc.
  • Le’Ron McClain – 5 games, 7 attempts, 15 yards, 2.1 ypc
  • Todd Heap – 4 games (hurt for #5) 13 receptions, 150 yards, 11.5 ypc
  • Jared Gaither – has not played.
  • Taveres Gooden – 5 games, 3 tackles.
  • Kelly Gregg – 5 games, 13 tackles, 5 solo.
  • Willis McGahee – 5 games, 85 attempts, 384 yards, 4.5 ypc, 1 touchdown, 1 fumble.

Now, I like to stay away from stats, there are many more qualified around Ravens24x7 to deliver those goods, but in this case I like to present evidence to the jury of football fans before I morph into Jack McCoy during my closing arguments.

I think enough has been said about Derrick Mason, happy trails to you in Big’Ole Texas.

Le’Ron McClain vastly over estimated his worth.  First he is a fullback that was blessed a few years back when the Ravens used him in the tail back position.  Thus, he created a Twitter account: McClain4RB.  Herein lies the stupidity, we have a running back named Ray Rice, we need a full back, someone to block!  Well he ended up on the Chiefs with their psychotic head coach and is buried somewhere on the depth chart as far as carries go.  This actually worked out for the Ravens since we signed Vonta Leach at fullback, who absolutely smashes linebackers and could care less about carrying the rock, so long as he is hurting someone on the other team. 

Also, if you are a football player and are asked what your favorite cereal is, please use English, not “sinman toe crun” as an answer.  For extra credit, get a Twitter account, the last and most surefire way to make an ass of ones self, right Le’Ron?

Todd Heap.  Just like Mason, he would have been nice to keep around, but his body was beaten up pretty bad over the years and he is getting long in the tooth.  I don’t want to hear he sacrificed years here under Kyle Boller.  So did everyone, does that mean you keep a roster of has-beens?  No, unfortunately the NFL is a business, and you need to cut players to move forward, unless your name is Domonique Foxworth, but I digress.

Jared Gaither, I have to hand it to this guy.  He gets paid NOT to play.  The Ravens paid him for 2010 and he never played a down and now the Chiefs are doing the same.  How the hell can I get in on that kind of job?

Kelly Gregg, you have to love Buddy Lee!  He played hard for us, overcame size deficiencies, and micro fracture surgery!  But father time thought otherwise.  But so did the Chiefs.  Notice a trend here?

Tavares Gooden, a fine physical specimen prone to injury that constantly seemed to play out of position.  Besides, with a nickname of “Baby Ray”, you better be something special.  Well, he wasn’t.

Willis McGahee.  Okay, one ex-Raven made good and he’d still be a Raven if not for his bloated contract.  You cannot pay a backup running back 6 million a year.  In this case it was purely about money.

Well there you have it – an update on a few of your former Ravens.

But before I call it a day, I’d like to touch on two men that died recently that have a hand in the way we view and enjoy football. 

Love him, hate him, there’s no denying Al Davis was a legend.  Period! 

Sure, he blew it a bit in later years of his life (see: Jamarcus “Purple Drank” Russel), but he also brought the NFL the first bad boy team, the bad guys, the Raiders.  As Ravens fans, we can identify with that.  If nothing else, he brought us John Madden. 

Then there’s Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.  I don’t know about you, but my iPhone and most subsequent smart phones that lift from Apple change the way we are able to access the NFL.  Be it a message board, fantasy football apps, or simply surfing the net, the man’s reach was far and even the NFL and its fans benefited from that golden touch.


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Oliver Kruszka

About Oliver Kruszka

Oliver is a cartographer and GIS analyst for a global energy consulting firm.  When not mapping various aspects of the world, he can be found at the Maryland Renaissance Festival under the surname “Captain Silver” and as a poster here under said name, promoting his brand of humor.
He is an accomplished artist in various mediums, published poet, as well as having a stint acting on stage; additionally brewing beer when not distracted by something shiny.  Lifelong fan of the NFL, who’s allegiances have changed as much as Baltimore’s ability to keep a team, makes him an avid Raven fan, but also a fan of the NFL in general (know thy enemy!). 

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