Wilcots’ Land of Confusion Photo credit: CBS Broadcast

TV Geek Wilcots’ Land of Confusion

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As if the game-to-never-be-mentioned-again wasn’t hard enough to watch this past week, we were stuck with the pairing of Solomon Wilcots & Spero Dedes, or Speromon for those who do that couple naming thing.

My big takeaway from this duo? Solomon Wilcots needs to look into some Gingko Biloba, or maybe pay attention to the actual game at hand instead of fiddling with fantasy lineups, because he was clearly confused all game with his constant contradictions and slip ups.

Let’s start early in the game, down 7-0. Kendrick Lewis gets flagged for DPI on a very ticky-tacky call. Typically you’d expect the on-air, unbiased guys to give you something along the lines of ‘could’ve gone either way’ on this particular play but Wilcots? Not so much. Instead this is what we get:

SW: “Look at the left hand of Lewis. See there? He sort of hooked Crabtree around waist. That caused him to stumble more than anything else.”

Look at the left hand of Lewis. See there? He sort of hooked Crabtree around waist

Solomon… we need to have a talk. I know you’re a former player. I know you understand the game. But this? This is not even close to a hook. Lewis had a lose grip around Crabtree’s waist, much like a 13 year old boy at a middle school dance, which is not going to cause him to fall.

There’s an easy way to call this one- did Crabtree fall forward, or did he spin down?

I’ll give you a hint Solomon: he didn’t spin!

Heck, even Wilcots himself said something similar in the 4th quarter when Crockett Gillmore was held. A flag was thrown for a hold on Larry Asante and Solomon had this to say:

SW: “Look at the right hand of Asante, he wraps him and then he turns him. And that’s what the officials are looking for. If he has the hand there as sort of a positioning maneuver, and doesn’t turn the receiver you’re gonna get away with the touch.”

But… Kendrick Lewis didn’t spin or wrap Crabtree in the 1st, so why is that a legit call to you, but this time you say unless you twist the receiver, you get away with it?

But it’s okay Solomon. Go on and defend the officials (who were a questionable crew to begin with) and let’s not make mention of your background playing with the Steelers and Bengals and that potential for bias there…

Let try another one. This time we’ll go with a questionable non-call, only this time Solomon doesn’t want to discuss it.

Scenario: Ravens have a 3rd and goal, down 10-0 and Flacco lobs one to Kamar Aiken, incomplete.

Solomon, your thoughts please?

SW: “As you can see… Cary is, I think in good position there against the Ravens.”

The irony of that? Here’s the graphic shown just as Wilcots makes his statement of praise for the Raiders cornerback.

Wilcots makes his statement of praise for the Raiders cornerback

Is that a handful of jersey there Wilcots? Nope, that’s just ‘good positioning!’

Furthering Wilcots confusion on the day, let’s check in after Flacco’s first touchdown pass to Crockett Gilmore. Solomon, care to chime in about Baltimore (for the first time in the broadcast)?

SW: “You can tell this offense has so much potential. They do have talent. I know they’re lacking a little bit at the wide receiver position, but they have talent at tight end. Remember, Dennis Pitta, he’s still banged up and he’s out. And Maxx Williams was slowed by injuries throughout the preseason, so Gillmore is giving them something at that position.”

So what you’re saying is that the Ravens offense has potential and talent… except the wideouts are lacking… but they have talented tight ends… except Pitta is out and Williams has been slowed… but they have Crockett Gillmore.

So to rewrite your quote, it should simply say “The Ravens have potential and talent, except they don’t.”

Somebody call the Guinness Book of Records! It appears Wilcots can talk out of both sides of his mouth at once!

Okay maybe just one more dig at Wilcots.

Ravens going for it on 4th and 3 from inside their own 30. Spero Dedes asks Wilcots whether he likes the call to go for it. Solomon gives us this Mensa-worthy insight:

SW: “I don’t think they should’ve gone for it. I would’ve preferred to see them punt because I think the defense has got to show up and start to make some plays.”

Um… what? You believe that a struggling defense serves their team best by continuing to be on the field to try and make plays, as opposed to the offense keeping them off the field more, thus preventing the potential of giving up more points? Sure… sound reasoning…

Solomon Wilcots on the day was easily more confused than every Ravens fan watching Dean Pees’ play calls, and it made for an equally painful broadcast.

Graphic of the Game

Here’s a gem from the early 4th quarter. Apparently the Rules Committee met at halftime and changed the duration of the game, or the teams continued to play on at halftime off-air.

You see, there’s this thing called math that tells me it’s not exactly possible to have a total Time of Possession equal to 61:23 (1 hour, 1 minute, 23 seconds) in a game that’s only covered a total span of 46:23 to this specific moment in time.

Graphic of the Game

 

Great Quotes

Wilcots and Dedes must’ve started hitting the sauce early, because they gave us some gems in this game.

SW: “But remember Spero, the Baltimore Ravers are without Terrell Suggs…” (Ravers? I may change what I’m wearing to the game next week…)

SD: “This will give Baltimore a FG attempt…” (Oakland ball Spero. That’s the team with silver helmets.)

SD: “…from O-dot-Co Coliseum.” (Spero, it’s ‘O-Co’ NOBODY calls it O-dot-Co knucklehead!)

SW: “The players came together. They had great Comma-rodary.” (Is that ‘great comma-rodary?’ Or ‘Great (,) Rodary?’ And just what is ‘rodary’ anyway?)

SD: “Suddenly Solomon, this Ravens offense has gone 11 yards to Kyle Juszczyk.” (As opposed to slowly going to Juice for 11?)

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Adam Bonaccorsi

About Adam Bonaccorsi

Living on the farce-side of Baltimore sports, Adam spends his time focusing on the satirical nature of our local teams- conveniently, sometimes the narrative writes itself! He's not one to shy away from controversial opinions, speaking his mind, or dropping a truth bomb into the Purple Kool Aid. More from Adam Bonaccorsi
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