At Least We Had a Dabbing Dolphin…

TV Geek At Least We Had a Dabbing Dolphin…

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Let me preface by saying my bitterness level is around a DEFCON 2 right now, as once again the Ravens (take the FG!) and officials (it wasn’t OPI!) collectively screwed Baltimore out of a win in Miami on Sunday.

I understand the absence of Flacco, Forsett, Smitty, Monroe and Zuttah (and contributions from Campanaro, Waller, and Maxx Williams of course) turn that side of the ball from offense to offensive, but still, that was their game and as the great Billy Madison once said…

You Blew It

Ok, back to the reason we’re here: about that broadcast team… yea, not impressed.

This week we had Steve Beuerlein, Steve Tasker, and Andrew Catalon in the booth.

First of all, I absolutely loathe three-man crews in the booth, if for no other reason than the principle of ‘Too Many Hands in the Cookie Jar.’

There are too many thoughts going on at once, and it more or less kills a cohesive back and forth banter that you typically expect from a broadcast team. Instead you get three guys giving their own opinions and trying to squeeze it all in between plays and it gets to be too much. Of course it didn’t help having two Steves in the booth that sounded nearly identical when they spoke, nor did it help that the Fins Sound Booth decided to play music between every single play, which more or less muddied up the broadcast, but even putting all those things aside?

They stunk up the joint.


He said WHAT?

That right there will be the last rational thought I will provide on this broadcast crew.

In a game that had less action than a middle school dance, I found myself really honing in on the broadcast team and some of the content they laid out. What I found out about these three stooges? They made it blatantly clear they enjoy completely irrelevant stats as a form of filler, while hoping nobody catches on to their gimmick.

Don’t believe me? Take a look at a few of their gems:

Tasker: “Tannehill starting 0-for-5 which matches the longest 0-fer streak of a quarterback to start a game this season.”

Seriously? THAT’S the stat you bring to the table? 0-5 to start a game and it bears mentioning in the broadcast as if it has any bearing on the game? And for what it’s worth, Tasker made sure to mention that Andrew Luck was the other QB to start a game 0-5, because why not? Truth be told, the fact that they felt so inclined to bring this up speaks volumes about how slow this game was moving between two 4-7 teams. I mean how much can you really talk about? It’s not like there’s been coaching changes on one side of the ball, and a myriad of injuries on the other side to bring up…

Catalon: “Butler is one of 17 players on this Baltimore roster who was undrafted. Ozzie Newsome the GM is doing a great job finding talent for this Ravens organization.” 

OR, Andrew, maybe those 17 undrafted players on the roster have something to do with injuries? I think the Ravens have just about enough players on IR to field a Beer League Softball team, and in order to fill those gaps, you need to reach for any warm body that you can find to fill a hole in the lineup, right? Or was that angle not working for you…

Beuerlein: Matt Schaub is not 100 years old, he’s 34.”

This was an attempted transition from a commercial about Frank Sinatra’s 100th birthday celebration back to the play on the field. I can’t even…


Go Home Beuerlein

While all three shared some bad moments, I can’t help but isolate Beuerlein as the worst of the bunch, as his contributions were limited to senseless commentary and contradictions.

Here’s Stevie B’s thoughts on the Ravens’ 4th-and-1 failure in the 2nd quarter of the game:

Pre-Snap: “On the season he’s 6 of 7 on 4th and 1… this is an obvious call for Harbaugh.”

After the whistle: “There is surge… but I think that is a bad spot.”

Post-Ruling: “Yanno Andrew, we talk about his willingness to go for it in those situations, short yardage they’ve been very poor on the year 29th in the NFL on 3rd or 4th and 1.”

So let me get this right Beuerlein: you’d go for it because Harbaugh is 6-of-7 on 4th-and-1, and think they got it but got a bad spot, then want to chastise them after NOT getting the call because they are 29th in the NFL on 3rd AND 4th-and-1? PICK A SIDE KNUCKLEHEAD!

Later in the game, after the Schaub Pick-6 (remember- you can’t spell Schaub without HA!) Beuerlein dropped in once again to let us know “You almost think he’s trying to do this, but I know for a fact he’s not…”

What great insight!! I am SO glad my backup quarterback isn’t throwing the ball to the other team on purpose!!

How about one more for the road Steve? Maybe on the Ravens’ last ditch effort with time running out?

“His offensive line, they have to sprint after this football after he releases it…” 

HA! Clearly Beuerlein has yet to watch this Ravens offense in the 2-minute drill this year! Unless you put a bucket of Ro-Fo chicken and some Krispy Kreme donuts down where the ball is, you won’t see anything that resembles a sprint from this O-Line, let alone a light jog!

Sights and Sounds of the Game

I’m starting with sounds because I was a bit disturbed at what I heard during a Ravens 3rd down in the first quarter. Did anybody else catch it?

Manson 3rd Down

DJ Fins up there decided Marilyn Manson’s ‘The Beautiful People’ was the PERFECT song for that particular 3rd down! And to make matters worse I heard it at least three more times throughout the game!

Trust me, I’m all down for some heavy stuff, and was a huge fan when the Ravens used to play The Used ‘Take It Away’ after turnovers at M&T Bank Stadium, but Manson? At a football game? And a song that has zero pertinence to a 3rd down, or stopping the opposition, or literally anything that would classify as a logical progression into this song??

Maybe retire that one there bro…


KO Shoe

Osemele should’ve left that shoe off the entire game. At least he could’ve used it as an excuse for his poor play… again…


Ravens crowd

I was actually a bit disappointed that the broadcast team didn’t even mention the vast sea of Purple and Black down in Miami. And because I know you’re as ADHD and I am, I did the math already: 72 people in Ravens apparel, versus 21 in Fins gear. A few non-committal folks scattered in there. You’re welcome.

Tan-eh-hill Stat

Tannehill stat

Sure, 3000 yards puts him in with these three QB’s but is he really on their level? Or anywhere close for that matter? That’s a big fat NO.

Dabbing Dolphin

Was I pissed how the game ended? You betcha! But then I saw this and I lost my mind… Well played mascot. Well played indeed.

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Adam Bonaccorsi

About Adam Bonaccorsi

Known by his fellow 227ers at M&T Bank Stadium as “Are You Kidding Me?” Adam is a vocal and opinionated Baltimore sports fans, who appreciates thinking outside of the box and offering far-fetched perspectives that tend to leave readers left wondering ‘what if?’ or sometimes ‘seriously bro?’ and occasionally, ‘I’ll have what he’s drinking!’ Or just 4-letter expletive-laden responses. Those are the best.

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