Why Seth Meyers Won’t Say Mallet(t) Photo credit: (Left) - Mets Twitter; (Right) - USA Today

The Fanimal Why Seth Meyers Won’t Say Mallet(t)

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Late night talk show host and mediocre comedian Seth Meyers is a noted Pittsburgh Steelers fan, though he was born in Illinois, raised in Michigan, later moved to New Hampshire, and now works in New York. I guess I’ll avoid using that nine-letter word that starts with “B” since Meyers’ father is a native of Pittsburgh.

Meyers made the switch from “Saturday Night Live” to “Late Night” after Jimmy Fallon took over for Jay Leno upon his retirement. Last night, I was having some trouble falling asleep and I found myself uncharacteristically watching Meyers’ show. He was talking to one of his guests, New York Mets pitcher Matt Harvey, when a discussion about Maryland crabs caught my attention and forced me to raise my eyelids a little bit.

In August of this past baseball season, the Mets played a brief series in Baltimore for the first time since 2010. During that road trip, the Mets indulged in some classic Maryland crabs. Outfielder Yoenis Cespedes was photographed at a table of empty crab shells:

I have three problems with this picture.
1) There’s no Old Bay on the table.
2) I see no sign of melted butter, either.
3) Who the hell drinks juice with their crabs?


When Meyers brought up that picture on last night’s show, he asked Harvey if he enjoys eating Maryland crabs, and referred to the mallet on the table as a “little hammer.”

OK, technically, it is a little hammer. But nobody who actually knows what they’re talking about when it comes to seafood has ever called a crab mallet a “little hammer.”

“Hey, bro, can you pass me that little hammer so I can smash these crab legs open?”

No. No, I can’t. But I’d be happy to pass you this mallet.

I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to record this brief exchange and post it on Twitter:

I didn’t think much of it until my phone chirped this morning. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw that it was a response from the Little Hammer Man himself, Mr. Seth Meyers:

Two emotions hit me right away. The first was along the lines of “Holy Mother of Flacco I can’t believe Seth Meyers just tweeted me. This is so cool.” The second was anger. Pure anger at the content of the tweet. Seth Meyers legitimately thought the proper terminology for a mallet was “little hammer.”

Of course, this prompted a response. Rather than just replying to the tweet, I quoted it so I could brag to my followers that I was having a conversation with Seth Meyers:

I ended up disappointed with myself that I didn’t take advantage of the opportunity to troll an American icon. I could have gone with, “I’m pretty sure the correct term for you is ‘not very funny'” or something along those lines.

Instead, in an effort to keep the dialogue going, I decided that I should take the Drake/Meek Mill or the Kanye/Wiz Khalifa route:

Just call me “Twitter Fingers”.

I didn’t actually expect a response and I don’t really hate Seth Meyers. I was just having some fun. Nothing personal, just some friendly fire.

Then, Meyers responded with a phrase that justified the whole situation and made me, as a Ravens fan, laugh out loud:

Right as I was about to announce the release date for my Seth Meyers diss track.

Conclusion: Seth Meyers is salty. He’s so mad that the Baltimore Ravens fourth string quarterback gave his Steelers the business that he can’t even say the dude’s name. At least he was willing to admit it.

Fortunately for the Ravens, we likely won’t have to see Ryan Little Hammer start another meaningful game for the purple and black.

Don’t forget to cast your vote! Easy question, right?

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Ryan Blake

About Ryan Blake

Ryan joined the Eutaw Street Report crew for the site’s launch in 2013 having spent the 2012 season as a member of the Orioles’ tarp crew. Before then, he had never really considered writing, but has grown to enjoy sharing his opinions. In addition to his Orioles commentary for ESR, he also contributes to baseballfam.com. Ryan is the “social media intern” for our friends at the Section 336 podcast. He is also the man in the viral video of a Ravens fan eating crayons for each Baltimore loss. You can follow his personal twitter: @ryguyblake

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