5 Stages of Grief: London Caw-ing

Street Talk 5 Stages of Grief: London Caw-ing

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Sunday was a brutal day to be a Ravens fan. I won’t even mention the score because it hurts too much to relive.

Luckily, after nearly 48 hours of emotional whirlwind, I’ve completed the 5 stages of grieving and I’m ready to move on. If you’re not quite there yet, go through my first-hand journey below and perhaps we’ll help you complete the cycle as well, my friends…


First Jags drive for a score… okay… that’s not my Ravens defense, but maybe next drive… again? And again?! This is not happening right now! The Ravens’ first foray over the pond and they are going to not only shat the bed on offense, but on defense as well?! The entire team is out of sorts, clearly something isn’t right because this is not the same Ravens team we witnessed over the first few weeks…


Fourth quarter and it’s a blow out… I’m done with this game! I’ll find absolutely anything else to do right now… I’ll cut the grass.

By hand.

With scissors.

That’ll be more exciting! Maybe while I’m taking child safety scissors to the lawn I can listen to Stephen Hawking do his rendition of Ave Maria if I really want some entertainment! Because whatever the hell the Ravens brought to London with them is anything but entertainment. It’s literally the worst loss in Ravens history, turned international embarrassment. This is the biggest British-based flop since Beyonce ruined the 3rd Austin Powers movie (yea, I know, I’m harping on it but she was just so awful!).

And the coaches… great job, team! Dean Pees adjusting on the fly is as likely as a regular-season Ravens game without an injury to a starter. Joe Flacco is more likely to not throw a pick than Pees rush more than 3 at any critical point in the game. I heard Ben & Jerry’s is making a Dean Pees-flavored ice cream; it’s basically just vanilla, with some nuts thrown in.

Marty Mohrninweg doesn’t get off that easy either! No in-game adjustments when you see the Jags pinning their ears back, honing in, and getting instant pressure on Flacco. It was almost as if Marty threw in the towel and accepted defeat, assuming this game didn’t count because it’s international.

Chumps. All of them. What a piss poor excuse of a game from play on the field, to execution, to coaching.


So many ways this pummeling over the pond could have been avoided…

Why couldn’t the Ravens brass just go out and get legit coordinators this offseason instead of defining insanity and hoping for improved results with the failures from 2016?

Why couldn’t the coaching staff even make a smidge of an adjustment throughout the game?

Why couldn’t the team have focused more efforts of the million-dollar question of ‘why do all of our players get hurt at a higher rate than any other NFL team?’

And really look at those injuries… what could have happened had this team been healthy instead of 17 players done for the season? And that’s outside of Zach Orr‘s retirement and Dennis Pitta‘s 3rd hip injury…

If only the team actually hadn’t needed to play all of those backups, perhaps the results would have been different…


Let’s be honest here… the season is done.

We beat two awful teams in the first two weeks, then we lost to an ‘average at best’ team in the Jags. Can we just go ahead and say 2 more wins against Cleveland and Cincy again, then… yea, that might be about it. So 4-12? Sound about right?

But of course none of that will matter, because just like this past offseason, Steve Biscotti will clamp down on any chatter about firing coaches, and instead will re-up Harbaugh, then keep Pees/Marty on board, claiming injuries were the only reason this team fell apart.

Rinse & repeat.

Then they’ll defer more contracts to sign more veteran players, push more money into future years, and when they finally decide to rebuild? They’ll have half of the cap allocated to guys who are no longer on the team.



So, here’s the thing: It’s one game. And maybe? Just maybe that game was a fluke.

I don’t believe we are a true Super Bowl contender given the spattering of injuries, and I think to assume the Ravens are a playoff team is still borderline. But I do believe if the Ravens played the Jags 9 more times, there would never be another game nearly as bad as that one, nor will the final score of the remaining 13 games on their schedule be that gross. I believe Sunday’s game – on offense and defense – was a true anomaly, and if anything it pissed the Ravens off.

They’re angry.

They’re not going to sit back and accept defeat.

They’ll come out of the gates hot against the Steelers this week.

At least I hope so!

And honestly? Maybe this is exactly what the team needed- an early season blowout.

If they right the ship? The team has plenty of time to redeem themselves.

If they simply don’t have the replacement level talent to maintain? They have a poor season & start from scratch in 2018 with a high draft pick and plenty of offensive talent ripe for the picking.

If the coaches refuse to make adjustments? Marty and Dean likely have pink slips waiting sooner rather than later, while Harbaugh’s seat gets hotter by the second, possibly leading to the unemployment line.

These are really the only options, but ultimately, how will we know until next week is played? No sense in getting worked up, just accept last week’s results, and move on to Steelers Week!

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Adam Bonaccorsi

About Adam Bonaccorsi

Living on the farce-side of Baltimore sports, Adam spends his time focusing on the satirical nature of our local teams- conveniently, sometimes the narrative writes itself! He's not one to shy away from controversial opinions, speaking his mind, or dropping a truth bomb into the Purple Kool Aid. More from Adam Bonaccorsi


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