Top 5 Trades We Wish They’d Made

Street Talk Top 5 Trades We Wish They’d Made

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Two-Minute Drill: Week 9

Week 8 was a good one in the NFL, but honestly?

Week 8.5 was much better.

Trade deadline moves, non-moves, almost-moves, reinstatements, suspensions- Week 8.5 gave us the drama we’ve become so accustomed to around the NFL!

Let’s look at both best of Week 8 and Week 8.5.

-The Patriots barely beat a bad Chargers team 18-13. I gotta ask… what the hell is going on in Foxboro? Could their reign of terror be ending? Will Belichick rip his hoodie sleeves all the way off?

Deshaun Watson & Russell Wilson got into a shootout. 854 total passing yards & 8 passing TD combined. That’s like an entire season for a Browns QB in 1 game. (update: Watson tore his ACL at practice yesterday- a devastating blow to his potential Rookie of the Year campaign & the Texans’ playoff hopes.)

-Zeke Elliott’s suspension is upheld! Again… I think? But there’s an appeal… again? Maybe? Honestly, fantasy says he’s suspended so I’m going with that until it says otherwise in like a day or two, per usual.

-The Patriots finally traded Jimmy G, as he goes to the 49ers for a 2nd rounder in the ’18 draft. Probably could’ve gotten more from Cleveland 3 months ago, so a Pats loss is everyone else’s gain here.

-Speaking of Cleveland, the Browns continue to do the most Browns things, as they botched a trade for Bengals backup QB A.J. McCarron because they allegedly sent the paperwork to Cincy to file with the league… which is not protocol. They’re supposed to file themselves. I’m not even surprised anymore…

-One more Browns note- yup, just laughed at ‘Brown Note’- wide receiver Josh Gordon has been reinstated, and can play as of 12/3. Mind you, last September, Browns coach Hue Jackson said they’d moved on from Gordon & he wasn’t in their future plans. And yet? No talk about dumping Gordon now. Again, not even surprised with this dumpster fire organization…


Last Week: Dolphins 0, Ravens A LOT MORE

<a rel=C.J. Mosley tosses the ball into the stands as Patrick Onwuasor & Marlon Humphrey join.” width=”601″ height=”412″ />

In what I would consider the Ravens’ best all around performance in the past few years, Baltimore came out and dismantled the Miami Dolphins on national TV during Thursday Night Football.

Here’s a list of Miami’s accomplishments in this game:

-Kiko Alonzo took an ill-advised shot at Joe Flacco, knocking him out of the game.

Ndamukong Suh grabbed QB Ryan Mallett by the throat, then claimed ‘self defense’ post game.

-The offense was so bad, Miami decided to trade away Jay Ajayi to Philly a few days ago.

-I think there was an eye poke of Austin Howard somewhere in there too?

That was it.

As for the Ravens, Flacco dropped an absolute dime to Jeremy Maclin for the 1st touchdown of the game, while Mallett threw one of his own to Ben Watson. Buck Allen tried to run in a touchdown – except he fumbled before the goal line – only to see it scooped by Chris Moore for 6. The defense added a pair of pick 6’s courtesy of C.J. Mosley and Jimmy Smith.

Throw in a pair of sacks, and the Ravens walked away with a 40-0 filleting of the Fins.

A much needed victory in Baltimore, and a glimmer of hope still remains for the playoffs…


This Week: Ravens @ Titans

Sunday 11/5 @ 1pm


The Ravens are riding high (no Josh Gordon, not like that) after a 40-0 skull dragging of the Miami Dolphins, as they head down to Smashville to take on the Tennessee Titans this Sunday.

For the Ravens, the biggest story line is the return of Joe Flacco, who had his head lopped off by some man named Kiko. Understandably, Flacco left the game, had to get his ear stitched up, and entered concussion protocol.

Check out Joe’s ear. Looks like Kiko hit him with the Tyson.

Flacco Ear

A Mike Tyson joke?

That’s pretty hythterical.

This week’s opponent is slightly better than the Fins – then again, who isn’t?

The Titans come in to Sunday’s game with the 10th ranked run defense, 19th in pass defense, 9th in run offense, and 28th in pass offense.

Essentially they can run & stop the run, while they can’t pass or stop the pass.

Unfortunately for the Ravens, the matchup isn’t that promising on paper. The Ravens’ offensive strength is in the run game, where the Titans thrive. On defense, the Ravens struggle against the run, and the Titans can look to exploit that.

Then again, they barely beat the Browns in overtime last week, so what the hell do I know?


We will see back-to-back wins from the Ravens for the first time this season since Weeks 1 & 2!


The offense will stay balanced for Baltimore, totaling 400 yards on the day.

Yes. 400 yards of offense for the Ravens.

The bulk will come from the running backs, but not all in the run game. Alex Collins will have another 100 yard game on the ground, while Buck Allen will reel in 5 catches for 70 yards out of the backfield. BOTH will score in this game. 200 total yards between the tandem.

The Ravens defense, coming off a shut out, will take a step back – but not a huge one.

Terrell Suggs will have the only sack of the game for Baltimore, but constant pressure on Marcus Mariota will force 3 turnovers – 2 picks and a fumble.

Another solid win for Baltimore, as the Ravens head into the bye week 5-4, with 2 weeks time to prepare for Brett Hundley‘s Packers.

BAL 24

TEN 14

Rest of the Slate

Of course we’ll all be tuned in to the Ravens game at 1pm, hoping for a second stomping in a row, but here’s a few games worth a channel surf.

Chiefs @ Cowboys Sun 11/5 @ 4:05pm. Will Zeke play? Will he be suspended? If Zeke is suspended, will Jerry Jones stomp and cover his ears and scream ‘LALALAICANTHEARYOU!’ then slam his door like the petulant child he is?

Raiders @ Dolphins Sun 11/5 @ 8:30pm. The Ravens’ two latest victims face off on Sunday Night Football. It’s like the Loser Bowl, but hey – 2 bad teams equally matched can still be a decent game!

Lions @ Packers Mon 11/6 @ 8:30pm. Sure, A-A-Ron Rodgers is out for the long haul, but I’m watching for scouting purposes, as the Ravens come out of next week’s bye to face Hundley & the Packers in Lambeau, then face Detroit a few weeks later. Here’s to hoping both look horrendous!

Rank ‘Em!

While the Ravens were not active during this week’s NFL trade deadline- a result most of us expected with zero cap room to play with and far too many holes to fill- let’s rank a few moves that would have been dreamy for this organization…

Top-5 Trades We Wish The Ravens Made

5- “Fins trade Jarvis Landry to the Ravens as an apology for the headhunt, choke out, and 3 Stooges eye poke” 

I think this is fair compensation.

4- “Ravens acquire OC Josh McDaniels from the Patriots for a 4th round pick.”

Sounds great, but you know’d they’d turn that 4th into an eventual first and draft the heir to Brady’s throne because why not…

3-“Calvin Johnson‘s right obtained by Ravens at the deadline.”

I know he’ll never play again, but perhaps he can help the Ravens by sitting Ozzie down & explaining to him that every single receiver he drafts is literal hot garbage. Fix my Ozzie, Megatron.

2-“A 7th Round pick from the Ravens nets Baltimore a new celly song via Jags.”

Hi. I loathe Seven Nation Army because everybody under the sun plays it as their celebratory song and for some reason, we think we own it. We don’t. It’s tiresome. The Jags play Pennywise “Bro Hymn” and it’s a great chant celly song. Make the damn trade!

1-“Ravens send John Harbaugh & Joe Flacco to the Browns, acquire 1st round pick in 2018, 2019, 2020, the Browns fanbase & assurance Tony Grossi is removed as the Browns representative in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.”

DREAM TRADE! The Ravens get to unload Flacco’s contract, while shipping Harbaugh out of town since accountability or poor coaching clearly aren’t enough to send him packing.

From the Browns, the Ravens would get the #1 overall pick in the next 3 drafts – would it really shock you to the see Browns give up this much for a good-not-great-QB? Hell, they were ready to ship a 2nd & 3rd to Cincinnati for McCarron who is like a backup in 3/4 of the NFL!

In addition, the Ravens would adopt the Browns fanbase since they deserve a winner and can fill all of our empty seats, and honestly I just hate Tony Grossi for blocking Art Modell from the Pro Football HOF.


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Adam Bonaccorsi

About Adam Bonaccorsi

Living on the farce-side of Baltimore sports, Adam spends his time focusing on the satirical nature of our local teams- conveniently, sometimes the narrative writes itself! He's not one to shy away from controversial opinions, speaking his mind, or dropping a truth bomb into the Purple Kool Aid. More from Adam Bonaccorsi


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