Two-Minute Drill: Week 16

With 15 weeks in the books, the Ravens head home for a final 2-game home stretch, hoping to make a push for a Week 18 and beyond…

Week 15 Headlines

Things happened. And stuff. Then more stuff and things. Here’s a few of those things and stuffs.

–Aaron Rodgers returned from a collarbone injury, only to throw a trio of picks and head right back to the IR with the Packers out of playoff contention. My fantasy team weeps (not really, I have Foles this week!)

– Speaking of Nick Foles & the Eagles, the once-starter-gone-backup-gone-back-to-starter had one hell of a game against the Giants, throwing 4 touchdown passes en route to a much needed victory – if for the mental health of Eagles fans if nothing more.

-The 12’s in Seattle had hope… then the Rams dashed it, thanks to 4(!) Todd Gurley touchdowns in a 42-7 drubbing IN SEATTLE!

-Yinzers gave us the early Christmas gift of their tears, as a potential Jesse James go-ahead TD was negated BY A GOOD CALL when he fell to the ground and lost the ball before completing the catch. Good thing they have those towels to dry their tears…

Last Week: BAL 27 CLE 🙁

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Credit to the Browns: they kept it close for the first half, and into the 3rd quarter.

But alas, the Browns gonna Brown, the Ravens made some second half adjustments, limited their mistakes, capitalized on Browns miscues and 27 points later? The Ravens are sitting at 8-6.

Joe Flacco had another solid game, including a rushing touchdown(!), while the defense forced 4 more turnovers by the Browns, and the real MVP of the game – Sam Koch – dropped like, every single punt inside the 5-yard line.

Sure, the Ravens took some chances that didn’t pan out, but no sweat, as they never left the drivers seat in this game.

Last road game of the season in the books! Or at least last road game of the *regular* season.

This Week: Colts @ Ravens

Saturday 12/23 @ 4pm

The lowly Colts come to Baltimore for a Week 16 Christmas Eve-Eve tangle that means the world to the Ravens, and… yea, pretty much nothing to the Colts.

As it stands right now, the Colts sit at 3-11, with wins against Cleveland, San Fran, & Houston: 3 teams with a combined 8 wins this season (three of which have been San Fran’s since the Garoppollo era began). They’re currently riding a 5-game losing streak, and have lost 8 of their last 9 games. They’re beyond injury depleted. They’re averaging about 12 points per game during their losing streak, while giving up 20+ points in every one of those games, sans the Snow Bowl versus the Bills (13-7 loss).

In my opinion, the Colts actually look worse than the Browns right now.

***SHADE THROWN***

Then there’s the Ravens: winners of 4 of their last 5, with their only loss during that stretch a 38-39 defeat in Pittsburgh, and averaging 31 points per game during that stretch. With the post season in sight, the Ravens are currently in contention for the 6th – possibly the 5th – playoff spot.

Essentially, win and in.

Looks lopsided on paper, and it will show Saturday afternoon.

Prediction:

Pay attention to the forecast in this game – it looks to be a wet one in Baltimore in the first half, which could turn this game into more of a ground & pound affair, benefiting the home team against an atrocious Colts run D (their pass D is equally awful).

Rest of the Slate

With the Ravens taking the field on Saturday afternoon, we’re open to a full day of Christmas Eve Sunday games to sit back and watch, whilst we wrap presents, pretend to like Egg Nog even though it tastes like wet cardboard soaked in eggs and spoiled milk, and start dreading the chaos to come the next day (kids, in-laws, out of town cousins, it’s all the same)…

And hey! A pair of Christmas Day games as well!

Rams @ Titans Sun 12/24 @ 1pm. The Titans are chasing the Ravens path to the playoffs. Do us a favor Jared Goff, and put a nail in their coffin (Goffin?).

Bills @ Pats Sun 12/24 @ 1pm. The Bills are also lingering around our path to the playoffs. Rarely do I want a Pats win… this isn’t one of those times either. Gift us a tie game, will ya?

Seahawks @ Cowboys Sun 12/24 @ 4:25pm. THE RETURN OF ZEKE. Will the Boys use him to his fullest abilities, despite being out of the playoff race? I feel like a functional franchise would give him touches, but not risk his health. But Jerrah Jones? He’ll run Zeke into the ground to prove a point to the NFL that they cost Dallas a playoff run (which isn’t accurate, but whatever).

Steelers @ Texans Monday 12/25 @ 4:30pm. You may not get along with your distant relatives coming into town, but I think it’s safe to say at least you can bond and spend time together hating the Steelers on Christmas Day.

Rank Em!

I’m doubling down this week: one Ravens related, and one definitive holiday ranking that should be viewed as nothing shy of gospel.

Joe Flacco’s Top-5 Wish List for Santa

5- A Real Wide Receiver with Pass Catching Action!

4- A Tight End That Flies (Downfield)!

3- A team of Indestructible Offensive Lineman!

2- A Secret Spy Kit, Complete with Spy Ear Piece, and Mirror to see who’s sneaking up! 

1- 53 Tickets to the Post-Season!

…and then…

Top-5 Christmas Movies

431- A Christmas Story. If you you like this movie, it’s only because you’ve been conditioned to suffer through this cult classic. I’d rather watch grass grow. In December.

5- A Charlie Brown Christmas. You don’t have to be a kid to enjoy the Peanuts gang discovering the true meaning of Christmas, all while wondering why Charlie Brown’s depression went undiagnosed, and questioning where every single parent is all night and day during the holiday season.

4-Elf. Such a quotable movie, and quite possibly the last good movie Will Ferrell starred in. Even if you don’t like Will Ferrell? You can enjoy him getting hit by a taxi!

3- The Santa Clause. The 90’s kids staple growing up, and the perfect holiday movie: dead Santa, kidnapping, stolen identities, police brutality via tinsel… you name it, they’ve got it!

2-Home Alone. SO GOOD! I mean, it wouldn’t work in 2017… Kevin would just text his mom and they’d pick him up. Or they’d have a home security system with CCTV they can view via app on their phones. Maybe Kevin could start a Go Fund Me for pizza funds while they’re gone?

1- Christmas Vacation. I don’t think I need to explain myself here. This is the gold standard, and THE MOST QUOTABLE CHRISTMAS MOVIE EVER. Clark Griswald is who every father should strive to be at the holidays, and if you ever get a Jelly of the Month subscription, I’d expect a similar response.