Street Talk How To Survive The #NFLDeadSzn

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Post-Super Bowl.

Post-Tampering Period.

Post-Free Agency Kick Off.

Post-Draft.

Post-Avengers Endgame.

Post-Rookie Mini Camp.

It’s officially the #NFLDeadSzn and I’m a bit distraught. As for yours truly, I was able to float the month of May in 2018 with an epic Stanley Cup run by my Capitals… alas, 2019 didn’t carry that same puck luck. 

So now what?

How do we survive the next few months without any light within reach at the end of the tunnel? How do we cope with the downtime from now until Training Camp kicks off?

I made a list. It may not be the list you wanted, but it’s sure as hell the list you needed. 

Watch the Orioles

No, seriously. I know they suck this year, but watching them should give you a sense of how important the Ravens really are to this sports community. Or if you have $5 to spare, go watch a game and shag a few homers or foul balls. 

Just don’t be a little wimp and wear a baseball glove…

Mock the Cleveland “Paper Champs”

I mean, this is a lay-up and we can do it every single day! Just search ‘Browns’ on social media and you’ll find a treasure trove of dumpster fire takes. And there’s so many ways to combat their stupid- ask them the last time they won anything, remind them of Week 17/Baker’s three picks, point out how paper champs never pan out… the possibilities are truly endless. 

Harass players on social media for autographed jerseys

Yea, don’t really do this. I mean, I’ve seen people do this, but it usually ends with radio silence. 

It does have that feel of 2 am drunk DMing though if that’s your thing.

Bet on anything and everything

Gambling is always a fun and easy way to pass time (if you have a gambling addiction, this isn’t for you – seek help). You can bet on the Preakness, baseball games, maybe bet on the first NFL team to lose a player to a PED suspension in a sort of Death Pool format…

The possibilities are endless.

Start 1,000 fantasy mock drafts

Don’t lie – you probably ran 100+ mock drafts on The Draft Network’s Draft Machine over the past three months, didn’t you?

Liar.

So why not start prepping for that fantasy football life and start the same regimen? 

Hop on the NHL Bandwagon (disparity – it’s a thing)

Tired of the lack of disparity in the NFL when the Patriots are always in the friggin’ Super Bowl? This year’s Stanley Cup playoffs is basically a down to a massive underdog (Carolina Jerks), your friendly neighborhood RSR/ESR stud Derek Arnold’s San Jose Sharks (ed note: GO SHARKS!), the scrappy St Louis Blues…

And then Boston. Because of course.

Personally, I’m pulling for a Sharks/Hurricanes Stanley Cup because SHARKNADO.

Compulsively shop on Fanatics.com

Again, this feels like a 2 am drunken thing, but counter your significant other’s QVC and Target habits with your own shopping sprees. 

Ravens jersey? Yessir!

Ravens hat? You betcha!

Ravens garden gnome? Why the hell not!

Get started right here.

Tailgate Grilling Trials

It is #GrillSzn (everything is a ‘szn,’ keep up) so why not start perfecting your tailgating craft? 

Try a new dry rub (giggity), use a different marinade, maybe switch cuts of beef, go from gas to charcoal (like a real man), how about skewering some seafood? Step outside of the box and impress the lot come the Ravens home opener!

Complain

This is a classic, and you can go soooo many directions here!

You can whine about trading Flacco, not enough pass rush, no proven receivers, why the Ravens didn’t do more for the Offensive Line, why Lamar is still a bum in your eyes, why Harbs is still the coach, why tickets are so expensive…

The possibilities are truly endless.

You Tell Us!

How do you plan to spend your #DeadSzn to pass the time? Tell us in the comments section below!

Or don’t and complain about #DeadSzn articles lacking context… see! There’s something to complain about!

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Adam Bonaccorsi

About Adam Bonaccorsi

Living on the farce-side of Baltimore sports, Adam spends his time focusing on the satirical nature of our local teams- conveniently, sometimes the narrative writes itself! He's not one to shy away from controversial opinions, speaking his mind, or dropping a truth bomb into the Purple Kool Aid. More from Adam Bonaccorsi

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