Everyone needs a little levity now and then right? So keep that in mind as we present another fictional edition of "Ask Brian".
Tony Lombardi: Brian, camp is winding down and so far your team has been able to avoid major injuries. Is this Camp Creampuff at its best?
Brian Billick: We are in it for the long haul. This is a marathon not a sprint. We have to conserve our resources. Slow and steady wins the race. Camp haste makes bodily waste. It’s not how you start it’s how you finish. Any more appropriate clichés come to mind?
TL: How about build a bridge and get over it?
BB: Hey I like that one. I’ll email that to Jamal.
TL: You will have some tough cuts to make in a couple of weeks. That can’t be something you are looking forward to.
BB: Hands down that is the most unpleasant thing about this job. The second most unpleasant thing is answering questions like this.
TL: Sorry coach. I’ll try and alter the parameters.
BB: Please.
TL: How can you justify keeping a one-dimensional player like Clarence Moore when there are so many versatile athletes competing for a roster spot?
BB: Clarence Moore is a unique and very gifted athlete. We just need to do a better job of utilizing his skill sets. He has vertical metrics uncommon for his position and it is incumbent upon us to leverage them while adhering to the profile of our offense. Tall guys like Clarence are special.
TL: But coach, the guy had two catches for 1 yard last year.
BB: And it was an important yard…he scored a touchdown.
TL: Coach, the guy won’t go over the middle, he takes forever to get going in short spaces and seemingly pulls a hamstring during film study. Why bother? Haven’t you seen enough? When he enters the game, the entire world knows where he’ll be. Remember Champ Bailey in Denver?
BB: So what’s your point?
TL: He’s going to make the team isn’t he?
BB: Does a bear…
TL: Back to the roster for a second coach. You get to keep 53 players on the final roster but you can only suit up 45 each game. If you pay them, shouldn’t you be able to play them all? I mean from where I stand, this NFL rule penalizes teams with deep rosters.
BB: Lombardi, finally you are making some sense. You should do more of these interviews with me. I think you’re starting to get it. But back to the roster, it makes no sense to me. I’ve argued your position for years and just like all those boneheaded officials that disagree with my challenges, my wisdom falls on deaf ears. I don’t get it. You pay them, you should be able to play them. Imagine you paying The Scientist Dev Panchwagh and then someone tells you that you can’t use his articles. How would you feel? It just doesn’t add up.
You know, I started in college as an engineering major but as you can see, I’m too stupid to add, so I transferred to journalism. How did you end up here?
TL: I made a wrong turn and I just kept going.
BB: Hungry Heart, The Boss.
TL: Lay down your money…You have the Eagles coming in tonight. Several of the Eagles starters are passing on the contest including Donovan McNabb. Does that disappoint you?
BB: Quarterbacks generally want no parts of us when it does count, much less when it doesn’t count. Remember Mike Vick a couple years ago? Three plays and he was done. McNabb’s decision to sit out against us comes as no surprise. Besides, we don’t want him throwing up on our beautiful shield of Maryland. You know that shield used to be about 10 yards wide. Before you know it, the damn thing will be covering the entire field.
TL: Speaking of the field, will Rick Neuheisel be up in the booth or down on the sideline?
BB: Who?
TL: Rick Neuheisel, offensive coordinator.
BB: Oh yeah…uh another good question. Maybe we’ll keep him up in the booth so he can fetch me one of those great crab cakes you media guys feast on while you are lollygagging up there in that cushy press box. That guy, uh Richheisel really is an invaluable member of our staff.
TL: Good luck tonight coach.
