Everyone needs a little levity now and then right? So keep that in mind as we present another fictional edition of "Ask Brian".
Tony Lombardi: Brian the game in D.C. was shortened on Saturday night due to inclement weather. I know you are a coach who maps out every little nuance of a season. How did the cancellation affect your planning and how might it affect your ability to make the required cuts by tomorrow and even more so, the big cut down by September 1st?
Brian Billick: The entire offseason is spent plotting out our entire seasonal developmental process. The development of the process and naturally the implementation of the process is a process in and of itself. Yet built into these processes is a mechanism that allows us to adapt to changing parameters. One of the few things that I cannot predict is a storm with the pacing of lightning and thunder like we experienced on Saturday. But the process is able to capture these altered metrics, harness them, and bring them smoothly into the confines of carefully crafted diversion tactics.
TL: In other words you have a Plan B.
BB: Yes.
TL: What is it?
BB: That will soon become apparent to all of you.
TL: What about the cuts?
BB: Going into camp we knew that there would be several athletes competing for just a few spots. That hasn’t changed. Cutting to 75 by tomorrow will be like a hot knife through butter. But we’ll have our work cut out for us after Friday’s game, getting down to 53 by Saturday. We didn’t get a chance to see the reserves against the Redskins due to the weather and our starting unit looked about as organized as a bull in a china shop. So they will have to take more reps in Atlanta than originally anticipated and that will place a heavier burden on the players sitting upon the bubble. It won’t be easy.
Some decisions will be tough. Devard Darling has been hanging around here for almost four years now and he’s shown some good signs but he lacks consistency. Clarence Moore provides us with that red zone target that we like and he provides big upside for us as we create more explosive vertical plays.
TL: Coach, I just don’t get the attraction to Moore. Is he on your fantasy football team?
BB: How did you guess? As a matter of fact he’s one of my keepers in my keeper league.
TL: Is that a joke?
BB: You just don’t get it.
TL: Am I about to get that lecture again?
BB: Son, we play in a league that has clearly defined parameters, and those parameters have to be guarded by men with knowledge of the game. Who’s gonna do it? You? Your crack pot staff at Ravens24x7.com or whatever the hell you are calling yourself these days? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the fans that pay top dollar for seemingly meaningless and sloppy preseason football. And you curse our false starts and penalties. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know – that our offense’s inconsistency, while boring to you probably lengthens careers; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves fans from having to spend more of their hard earned dollars on playoff tickets.
TL: Coach the truth of the matter is…
BB: You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that sideline — you need me on that sideline. We use words like "tempo," "balance," "parameters." We use these words as the backbone of a life spent creating a profile. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very comfort zone that I provide for your website and radio show and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you strap on a helmet and take a position. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think about Clarence Moore!"
TL: That wasn’t as good as the last time Brian.
BB: No? Can I try it again?
TL: Maybe next time…but about the offense, you have to be concerned about 7 false starts in 2 games.
BB: Well part of what we were doing on Saturday was implementing the silent count. And we just didn’t handle that very well. We have some work to do.
TL: But why the silent count when the stadium was more than half empty?
BB: We do have to practice you know.
TL: Why not practice at the indoor facility in Owings Mills. You could crank up some loud music or simulated crowd noise in there to practice the silent snap.
BB: We don’t like to do that.
TL: Why not?
BB: The players don’t like my music and if we simulate crowd noise, I’m afraid that the players might damage their hearing and not be able to hear my pregame, halftime and postgame inspirational messages as clearly.
TL: Last question coach…I’ve watched you practice often and I’ve seen you implementing plays to challenge teams vertically. Yet the offense thus far has been nothing more than dink and dunk when Steve McNair is in the game except for a badly thrown deep ball to Demetrius Williams against the Giants. Why haven’t you tested defenses more in the preseason and why not attack more like you did against the Steelers last year when you won both games by the combined score of 58-7.
BB: Well first of all we don’t want to play all our cards in games that have no bearing on the standings. What restaurant serves dessert before the appetizers? It’s called Texas Hold ‘Em not Texas show everybody your cards. You kill me with these questions.
TL: Thanks Coach, we’ll chat next week when I’ll have some more questions.
BB: Sounds great…I’m looking forward to it.
