MR. MOJO RIZON: NFL Network’s Jamie Dukes is whack!

Street Talk MR. MOJO RIZON: NFL Network’s Jamie Dukes is whack!

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The Absurdity of Jamie Dukes…On Wednesday night on the NFL Network’s NFL Total Access, a round table discussion was held by Marshall Faulk, Warren Sapp, Jamie Dukes and Deion Sanders about which player they would select if they started a franchise. Sapp chose defensive end Mario Williams from the Houston Texans. Faulk chose outside linebacker Shawn Merriman from the San Diego Chargers. Both analysts cited the need to get after the quarterback and to dominate at the line-of-scrimmage as reasons for their selections.

Then came Dukes’ pick. The long-winded, puffed up, former offensive tackle chose Michael Vick. Yes, "that" Michael Vick. Right after Dukes made his statement one could hear PETA knocking down the doors in the LA-LA Land studios.


Dukes’ ridiculous rationale for selecting Vick stemmed from his belief that Vick would be unstoppable in a Wildcat formation. He would pose the ultimate matchup problem for a defense to contend with. Vick would help a team run the ball better because defensive ends would have to respect his ability to turn the corner on an option play. The ends could not crash inside with abandon to stuff a running back. Thereby, rush lanes would open up inside and outside.


It seemed that Duke forgot that Vick has already been in the same position as an option runner before, with the Atlanta Falcons. Although he functioned as a quarterback first, there were enough times when the Falcons ran option plays for Vick, and the results were hit or miss. Once defenses figured out how to keep Vick in front of them and forced him to make plays with his arm, he struggled.


And if Dukes really wanted a runner, why not chose an actual tailback? There is no denying Vick’s incredible running skills, but he is not built to carry the ball multiple times a game. Picking Adrian Peterson would have made a lot more sense.

Faulk and Sapp hammered Dukes, with Faulk accurately pointing out Vick’s deficiencies as a passer but to no avail.

Trying to convince Dukes — who thinks his opinion is gospel — that he’s wrong would be tougher than persuading John Harbaugh to bring back Chris McAlister.


While we’re on the subject of head coaches in B’more, Dave Trembley what are you thinking? It’s the bottom of the 8th with 2 outs and your team is down 11-0 and you go to the bullpen? Please tell me MASN called you in the dugout and said that they needed to get in a few extra spots for some key sponsors during the TV timeout. Besides me, who was watching anyway?


Speaking of advertising, what is going on with the Orioles pregame show with Steve Melewski and Dave Johnson? Mr. Mojo has no problem with the show’s pacing, talent or quality, but the duo goes to a commercial every 2 minutes. I kid you not, between 6:00 and 6:25, 105.7 The Fan went to SEVEN commercial breaks. Please give ME a break! It looks like the world’s oldest profession is in full bloom over there at CBS Radio.


Al Davis is insane.  That’s just a fact.  But while you weren’t looking the Titans have been bidding to become the NFL’s oddest franchise.   Sleepy Nashville won’t be mistaken for the Black Hole, but here are Mr. Mojo’s top-ten reasons the Titans are whack:

10. The NFL’s most schizophrenic uniforms

 9. Kevin Dyson lands one yard short of Super Bowl glory…. Gee, thanks Titans, for guaranteeing us more exposure to Brenda Warner’s mullet

 8. Albert Haynesworth performs the “Tennessee Stomp” on Andre Gurode’s head

 7. Draft wastrel, Pacman Jones makes it rain…bullets

 6. Vince Young’s suicide watch

 5. Followed by the Vince Young “play me or free me” declaration – made to Towson television powerhouse, WMAR!?

 4. Cortland Finnegan:  A funny name for a complete jackass.

 3. The training facility lock-out of Steve McNair

 2. The Titans fire themselves up pregame by referencing two-by-fours and by showing Brian Billick’s locker room speech on the stadium scoreboard…and it backfires both times.

And now, the number one piece of evidence that the Titans are into some bad moonshine…  Mr. Mojo has caught wind of some verbal sparring between that bearded garden gnome, Jeff Fisher, and his running backs, formerly known as Smash and Dash.  It seems that Dash, A.K.A, Chris Johnson is tired of sharing the limelight and has renamed himself, “Every Coach’s Dream.” 


Lendale “Smash” White—the same brainiac who taunted the Steelers faithful by stomping on a terrible towel last year—had this to say about his backfield mate:

“He is a little delirious. When he wakes up out of the dream he’ll be all right. And the one thing about dreams is they are not real. So if you’re the coach’s dream, you are not real.”

Fisher’s reaction to all the love?

“Every Coach’s Dream?” Fisher pondered, “Maybe with a few exceptions — playing the bongos … and getting hurt in the playoff game.’’ A not so friendly reminder of White’s missteps in last year’s playoff game against the Ravens.

Fisher went on to quip, “I’m sure they’ll come up with something else. Dumb and Dumber or something.’’ 


Strange is as strange does in Nashville.

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About mr._mojo_rizon

Mr. Mojo Rizon is RSR’s answer to The Sporting News’ “Fly” and The Sun’s exiled “Mr. Flip.” If you are familiar with those columns, you’ll get it.  If not, sit back, brace yourself and enjoy.

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