One of my partners, Bill Pisano, spoke to Ravens play-by-play broadcaster and WBAL sports anchor Gerry Sandusky recently about his daughter Katy’s blog that focused in on Ray Rice. It was posted on Facebook. With Gerry’s permission we are posting it here on RSR. It provides a very unique perspective laced with wisdom beyond Katy’s 23 years. Thank you Gerry and thank you Katy. ~ Tony Lombardi
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Given my work in professional sports and in relationship violence prevention, a lot of people have asked me lately my opinion on the Ray Rice situation. To be honest, it’s been hard to fully articulate how I feel. Before I dive in, I’ll say I don’t believe a man should ever hit a woman. I mean EVER.
Really, no person should ever hit another person.
My father and mother raised me to understand and expect that from the time I could comprehend a relationship. I in no way condone violence in a relationship in any way. My work in RV prevention helped me understand how horrific domestic violence situations can be and my heart goes out to anyone victimized in those situations.
That being said, do I think Ray Rice is a horrible monster? No way. I watched him in my tenure as a Ravens employee act as a pillar of the community. Those that don’t understand why it’s so hard for the organization to wrap its head around his actions, didn’t spend day after day interacting with an intelligent, caring and socially conscious individual. That was my impression of him after working for a team he played on.
Do I think what he did was wrong?
Absolutely.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned from this situation, however, is how ugly an act it is to pass judgment on the lives of others – in this situation and any situation where we are not directly involved.
Read this carefully.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to help them or to stand for the rights of victims. I am saying it is wrong to be an outsider on a situation and judge. As someone that has made plenty of bad, questionable, and/or impulsive decisions in my (almost) 24 years, I have to wonder how I would feel if they were on display for the world to critique. (I have very honest friends, so I can guess that the world would throw some pretty nasty labels my way if there were videos of me in my lowest moments).
What people consistently fail to understand is that when a good person makes a terrible decision- they are judging themselves way more harshly than you ever could.
I remember a time that I had made a character compromising decision and someone much wiser and empathetic told me that when you are young and you make a mistake, people react in two ways: some judge and some teach. In this world there are teachers and there are judgers.
I am not condoning Ray’s actions. I’m not pretending to know what is going through his or his wife’s mind. I’m suggesting that maybe instead of focusing all of our energy as a society on judging and analyzing and generating opinions, we should focus our energy on teaching.
Instead of bashing the Rice’s relationship, or criticizing how the Ravens handled the situation, or speculating that the NFL is comprised of a bunch of liars, or demanding statements and judgments from every member of the media; we should instead use this tragic incident as a reminder to treat our loved ones with care and kindness, educate our children about healthy relationships, reflect on our own priorities and ask ourselves if we are consistently making decisions we are proud of on a daily basis.
So what do I think about the Ray Rice situation?
I think it presents a great opportunity to reflect upon and teach the individuals in my life.
I’ll let the Rice family figure out the Rice family.
—Katy Sandusky
Facebook: Katy Sandusky
Twitter: @katy_kayy
Instagram: @katy_didd
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