First and foremost: HOORAY ANOTHER WIN! The script couldn’t have been written any better, with the FG attempt blocked by Brent Urban, (who was making his NFL debut) and the Kick-Six return by Will Hill (who had just gave up the game-tying Austin Davis touchdown pass).
On a side note, that missed* FG by Travis Coons, who had just made 18 straight FG’s to start his career, prompted the NFL to create this new trading card for the Browns kicker.
Picture. Perfect.
Now onto my eyebrow raising, hipster-esque (too cool for school/ disagreeing with the consensus) opinion about the Monday Night Football crew, specifically Jon Gruden.
I’m over him.
Before I go any further, please let me note that this is not an attempt to approach a topic like a Skip Bayless or Screamin A Smith. I genuinely believe Gruden’s gimmick has been overplayed.
Don’t get me wrong – I can appreciate Gruden for everything he has done for the game. I can appreciate his time as a coach and as a mentor to players coming into the league. I can appreciate his knowledge of the game, ability to read plays and keep fans up to speed as the game goes on. But his shtick has gotten stale in my eyes, and is teetering on that John Madden level back in the day when the only good thing about him was Frank Caliendo’s impression.
The way I see it, a Gruden broadcast consists of three main components:
1. “I call that play _______.”
It’s a staple of a Gruden broadcast, and something he simply can’t help but spit out at least once a quarter, if not more. Using this week’s Ravens/Browns game as an example, here’s what Chucky gave us:
“Free Safety blitz Mike, I call it the FOX.”
“And when they bring the nickel corner, I call it the NAIL.”
Tirico chimed in on that series asking Gruden if he calls a strong safety blitz a ‘stinger,’ prompting Gruden to nearly jump out of his seat in excitement to yell “EXACTLY!”
And he didn’t stop there. Oh no, not at all!
Gruden on a Barnidge underneath route: “I call that a Jerk Route.”
Gruden on the Buck Allen touchdown: “I call this a Burst Route.”
Gruden on Canty’s pass rush: “I call this a DE Stunt.”
We get it Jon. You like to name routes. Maybe instead just explain the route to me and let’s move on.
2. “This Kid Can Play.”
It’s not always these exact words, but Gruden likes to tell us about how great every player is on every team.
This week’s awesome players included Kaelin Clay, Travis Benjamin, Buck Allen, Justin Gilbert, and of course, Johnny Manziel.
Just to give you an idea of how over the top his assessment of these players is, here’s what Jon had to say about Clay after his punt return for a touchdown.
“Drafted by the Tampa Bay Bucaneers and released, and Ozzie Newsome saw something that he liked in this kid, which is why he brought him in.”
#1- Clay was dropped from the Bucs practice squad one week in, only to be picked up by the Lions for the next SIX WEEKS before the Ravens added him.
#2- You know what Ozzie liked about him Jon? He returned kicks in college, he had decent speed, and his name wasn’t Asa Jackson. That’s about it.
And do you ever notice how Gruden gushes about all of the wrong players? Justin Gilbert? Come on man!!
3. “They gotta be careful.”
It’s a simple formula: Where strength of Team/Player A meets weakness of Team/Player B, Gruden makes sure we know it!
When Lardarius Webb blitzed McCown early in the game? Cleveland’s “gotta be careful” with the Baltimore secondary.
When Benjamin was targetted once? Baltimore “has to be careful” with Benjamin.
When Dumervil created some pressure of McCown? The Browns “must be careful” with Dumervil.
Maybe next time he’ll fill us in when a team need not worry about a player? “Baltimore doesn’t need to worry about Dwayne Bowe because he’s on the bench.”Â
I’ll try not to rant too much here… (who am IÂ kidding, here it comes!)
Whether it was those oh-so-familiar Grudenisms, his pronunciation of Ha-Low-Ti-Nah-Ta, or his defending of the Browns offense by blaming their issues on constantly changing OC’s/playbooks/play calls while not mentioning that THE RAVENS OFFENSE HAS GONE THROUGH FOUR OC’s IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS!!! (…deep breath…), Gruden continued to rub me the wrong way this week.
But the biggest issue I had? The Johnny Manziel love-fest that he would not let go of the entire game.
It started early in the 1st quarter when Browns QB Josh McCown took a shot from Dumervil, which prompted Gruden to kindly remind us “That’s why Johnny Manziel better be alert on the sideline.”
Jon… HE’S LISTED AS THE THIRD STRING QB! UNLESS THE HIT WAS SO HARD THAT IT SHOT MCCOWN INTO THE SIDELINE, WHO IN TURN TOOK OUT AUSTIN DAVIS, MANZIEL IS NOT COMING IN THE GAME!
And then he gave us a break. McCown had a nice string of completions (13 of 14) which more or less nullified anything Gruden could use to position his desire for Manziel to come in the game…
Until halftime when we’re greeted with a giant Johnny Football head (to match his ego no doubt).
Nothing was actually said about Manziel, they just decided to throw a live feed of Johnny up behind Gruden because, well, he’s gotta big ole man crush!
And I SWEAR those hearts were on the screen on my TV.
Of course the Manziel/Gruden lovefest ramped up when Browns coach Mike Pettine sent Austin Davis out on the field in the 4th quarter to replace the injured McCown.
“I hope this is a wake up call for Manziel because he should be out here playing. This team is fighting their tails off, this is a 1st round draft choice that has to come through for the Browns. It’s very discouraging seeing him watch Austin Davis play quarterback on Monday night.”
Why Jon? Why should he be playing instead of Davis? Davis has more career starts under his belt, more wins, and earned his spot. Saying Manziel should be out there is the same entitlement that put RGIII in the bad light that he’s in down in DC. Just because you were drafted high doesn’t mean you are good, nor should you be guaranteed a starting gig. It doesn’t work like that (JaMarcus Russell may or may not confirm that for you).
“This is punishing everybody Mike. This isn’t just punishing Johnny Manziel, it’s punishing the owner, Jimmy Haslam who’s trying to turn this franchise around. That kid needs to be playing. This is his opportunity to launch his career. He’s coming off the best game he’s played. They need to get him on the field, hopefully it’s next week if not by the end of this game.”
So ignoring the whole entitlement thing I just mentioned, Gruden is still WAY out of line here. It’s almost as if Gruden doesn’t believe accountability should play a factor in any of this. He believes Manziel needs to be on the field ASAP? Why? Quite frankly, other than a few random runs and a long ball here or there, he hasn’t shown any sense of consistency to lead me to believe he needs to be on the field and that he’d be any sort of a difference maker. He’s simply another Kaepernick, not a Russell Wilson. One read and scramble. But Gruden? NOPE! Manziel is great! He needs to be out there! Put him in coach! It’s almost like he’s positioning himself to take Pettine’s job come 2016…
Then Davis decided to do what every single mediocre QB has done to the Ravens this season and put up a touchdown in the final two minutes of the game. And course Jon Gruden gave him the credit and praise he deserved.
“If I were Johnny Manziel, I would do everything right to get back in this offense because they do a lot of good things.”
WHAT?! Davis goes six-of-seven for 71 yards and throws a perfect strike 41-yard touchdown pass and you STILL want to talk about Manziel?!
To use a Grudenism of my own Jon, “that chatter right there, that’s what I call a fanboy!”
Image of the Game
Let’s end this on a comical note at the expense of Cleveland (hey! just like the game!).
So tell me what’s wrong with this picture?
It’s THIS guy.
THAT is Brownie the Elf (awarded ZERO creativity points), but why does he still exist? You would think with the new ‘Dawg Pound’ logo they’d ditch the Hobbit-Meets-Keebler-Elf-Meets-Snap-Crackle-Pop mascot for perhaps… I don’t know… a bull dog? Like the logo shows? Maybe? It’s that too logical for Cleveland to grasp?
Always the laughing stock of the league…
