No Time to Read Past Headlines Original Photo by WBAL

105.7 Caller No Time to Read Past Headlines

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WARNINGs need to be clearer.

April Fool’s Day is the worst. Just like many of you reading this, I can’t be bothered to check any satire warnings or trivial things like the date before I get my football news fix. It’s like when you go to sit down on the toilet and some dingus has left the seat up. It’s not my fault that I’m in a hurry and don’t have time to take a glance before I sit down.

Yeah, I fell for your prank. You spent all your time writing that stupid blog and ruining your reputation. Who’s the idiot now? Why don’t you just put WARNING: CHECK THE DATE throughout the article in every paragraph? Irresponsible journalism.

I saw it on Facebook or something where Google had to get rid of some stupid “mic the drop” feature or something. I have no idea what that means, but pranks are for people who have a lot of time on their hands. Clearly, all the nerds at Google don’t have a social life so they spent all their time trying to torment us normal people who don’t know how to do all that fancy programming garbage.

Google's failed prank involving minions results in inappropriate emails.

via TechCrunch

Even the Google dorks were smart enough to scrap the idea when it pissed off enough people. All these media types need to just drop the April Fool’s joke like they did. The rare days I do spend time on the internet, I can’t be bothered to read past headlines. Usually, that tells me all I need to know. Once again, I don’t have the time to find out exactly what they said. I have to get on hold for the next hour so that I can spend five minutes telling radio hosts why they’re stupid for defending players I don’t like.

Sometimes, though, I have to tell people on the internet why they’re stupid. Hey, somebody’s gotta do it. The other day, I was looking at blogs and one was calling for the Ravens to trade back. If they do that, I’m just going to sell all of my stuff, and I felt like I needed to tell the Ravens about it. So I just found the first post I could find on Facebook and said, “HEY OZZIE, if you trade the first pick I’m SELLING my f***** PSLs!!! You’ve been warned!!!!” I figure he saw it because it didn’t make it through something called a “profanity filter.” Had to have come from someone high up.

Instead of reading I get all of my news and information by calling and asking my local radio hosts questions they have been asked 30 times this hour. Sometimes I even hear the answer when I’m on the phone, but I’ve already committed and I can’t be bothered to come up with a new question. Plus, it keeps them on their toes. That’s what I love about radio. There’s no BS. I can just argue about how hard of a worker a player is and how overpaid everyone is, like that damn Joe Flacco. You know, the nitty-gritty.

It would be one thing if these fan blogs sucked only on April Fool’s Day. All these blogs do is share their opinions. As a fan, I only want to hear news. Any fan who has a different opinion than me is either a homer or a hater, so why would I take 10 minutes of my day to read it? I just stick to the headlines and ask one of the radio hosts about it later. That’s the way real fans talk sports.

Don’t move Ray’s statue!

I’m not sure if this is an April Fool’s joke or not, but I read somewhere else on the internet (not sure where) that Ray’s statue is getting moved. I was thinking it was getting moved to the other side of the stadium where I enter, so I could put out some good vibes by touching his shoes or something. I was wrong. They apparently want to put it inside of the stadium where it will blow out smoke and play Hot in Herre. Seems like a giant waste of money that could be going to something more valuable. They could be giving devoted fans like me police escorts out of traffic. I’ve been committed to the team since it’s been here. It’s about time I get something in return. Plus, it means all those people who touThe Ray Lewis statue outside of M&T Bank Stadiumch the statue for good luck don’t get to do that anymore. Shameful.

It’s no wonder why these athletes with all their bat flips and touchdowns dances don’t appreciate sportsmanship anymore when we want to play rap music out of their statues. I like Ray, but anyone else who tries to pump up his team just doesn’t work. Even his statue.

Sign the petition to the governor to keep it where it is!

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The voice of Baltimore’s most popular local sports radio station’s callers. 105.7 Caller is Russell Street Report’s version of PFT Commenter.

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