Two-Minute Drill: Just Keep Swimming

Street Talk Two-Minute Drill: Just Keep Swimming

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What a crazy Week 3 in the NFL! There’s so much to talk about, but we’ll keep it as brief as possible since you’re likely sitting at your desk reading this, looking for your boss out of your peripheries, or hoping that obnoxious coworker who wears too much perfume doesn’t stroll by to chat, and contaminate your personal space.

I would be remiss if I did not address the political aspects & controversies of this weekend, so here it goes…

I gotta tell ya, I feel so much better getting that off my chest…

As for the play on the field, here’s a quick recap of what you either saw, missed, or disregarded.

-6 of the 8 previously undefeated teams done got defeated.

-Running backs came back to life: Zeke showed up, Dalvin Cook returned to form, Run CMC broke through, so on and so forth.

-I had Sammy Watkins, Pierre Garcon, and Stephon Diggs all on my fantasy bench. They all went ape sh*t. So that’s neat.

Overall it was a very strange weekend in the NFL. BUT I will say this: everybody is talking about them. I mean everybody. Even non-football fans have their name on the tips of their collective tongues.

I can’t imagine that’s a bad thing for them…


The Ravens went to London and fell harder than London Bridge in that hot jam.

Again, we’ll do the abbreviated version for those who turned it off in some form of disgust:

-First the Ravens did this

-Then this

-And it ended like this

At that point, quoth the Beck, “The fans get up, and they get out of town.”

Back to Baltimore, tail between their legs, with Steelers Week looming large…


Sunday 10/1 @ 1pm

Last week, the Ravens sucked. Like beyond bad, beyond awful, just flat out sucked. Outplayed, out-coached, out-hearted…ed…? Just got blown away in every facet of the game.

That game, I believe, was an anomaly. This isn’t to say the Ravens would beat the Jags 9/10 times, simply to say the Jags aren’t as good as a 44-point effort on any given week, and the Ravens aren’t as bad as a 7-point junk time score or giving up 44 on defense.

This team is much better, and they’ll show it this week, injuries be damned.

Meanwhile the Steelers are an interesting creature…

While Baltimore put up 2 stout performances followed by a dud, the Steelers (2-1) have a solid 26-9 win in Week 2 against the Vikings, sandwiched by 2 duds.

In Week 1, Pittsburgh eeked out a win against a currently 0-3 Browns team, by a score of 21-18, then in Week 3, lost in overtime to the hapless Bears 17-23 in a game that could have been decided in regulation, had Bears’ Marcus Cooper – who had scooped up a blocked field goal attempt by Pittsburgh and headed for the end zone – not fumbled as he was showboating over the goalline and cost the team 4 points (they settled for a field goal).

All erroneous though. Week 4 is upon us, and the Steelers and Ravens come in with a major chip on their shoulders.

We’ve yet to see Le’Veon Bell be ‘that guy’ for the Steelers, and we’ve yet to see… well, anything on offense consistently for the Ravens. On defense however, we’ve seen the Ravens be great, it’s just a matter of whether or not they can return to that level again this week.


Ultimately, I think both teams play better than they did last week.

The problem with that?

The Steelers lost by an overtime touchdown, while the Ravens got pummeled by… (breaks out calculator)…. a literal tonne.

Joe Flacco will bounce back with 2 scores (and the usual pair of picks), hitting Buck Allen twice in the end zone. The Ravens will total only 250 yards of offense, although their defense will steal a pair of Big Ben picks to shorten the field for Baltimore.

While that all sounds fine and dandy, the Steelers offense won’t come up short again this week. Roethlisberger will find Antonio Brown for 2 touchdowns, and a third from Jesse James, eventually leading to a 1-score game in the 4th quarter.

Unfortunately, the Steelers have the lead in the 1-score game, and manage to milk to clock to end it, much like they did in Cleveland as they steal one from the Ravens who fall to 2-2 and the fans go bonkers asking about top-5 draft picks, whether the Ravens will take a quarterback, and how soon we can fire everybody.

BAL- 24

PIT- 28

The Best of the Rest

Who knew the best games last week would be the ones we thought would end up most lopsided? I never would’ve expected the Steelers to lose to the Bears, or the Bills to beat the Broncos.

Yet, here we are.

Hopefully, we’ll see more of those shocker-type games this week, as the full slate isn’t exactly exhilarating outside of Ravens-Steelers, but alas, here’s the best of the rest!

Patriots @ Panthers Sunday 10/1 @ 1pm – In case the Ravens game gets out of control (hopefully in Baltimore’s favor) this game may be worth a flip if for no other reason to mock the Patriots. Dead last in the NFL in points allowed. Dead last in passing ypg allowed. 24th in rush ypg allowed. Feel a little better about the Ravens defense, yet?

Denver @ Oakland Sunday 10/1 @ 4:25pm – Two teams that started the season hot at 2-0 fell to lesser teams in Week 3. Who will rebound? Will Trevor Semian return to his surprising early season hot streak? Will Marshawn Lynch dance again? Will Jets fans be offended even though they’re not in this game? Only time will tell…

Skins @ Chiefs Monday 10/2 @ 8:30pm – Honestly? I just want to see the Skins fanbase fall back down to earth after they treated last week’s game against the Raiders as a true indicator that they’re some force to be reckoned with. It stung even worse after the Ravens roast. Vengeance from the other side of the BW Parkway must be had!

Rank ‘Em!

I could take this a million directions this week…

I mean, it is Steelers week, so let’s go ahead and mock them while we have a chance, right?

Perhaps we’ll save that for it’s own article (could run on a bit beyond 5!).

Instead, we’ll go ahead and laugh off our pain from last Sunday…

Top-5 Things I Could’ve Done With My Time Instead Of Watching The Wimbley Whooping

5- Study the NFL officiating rule book. Seeing the flags thrown at the Ravens gives me reason to believe my services wouldn’t go to waste.

4- Learn the Ravens Fight Song. I still only know ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ and let’s be honest, so do you.

3- Start looking at 2018 mock drafts. Hard not to want to see who will be available in the top half of the ’18 draft after that embarrassment…

2- Check in with Browns & Bengals fans. After all, misery loves company…

1- Watch a Steelers fan burn his LeVeon Bell jersey. Oh no, wait! I did do that!!



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Adam Bonaccorsi

About Adam Bonaccorsi

Living on the farce-side of Baltimore sports, Adam spends his time focusing on the satirical nature of our local teams- conveniently, sometimes the narrative writes itself! He's not one to shy away from controversial opinions, speaking his mind, or dropping a truth bomb into the Purple Kool Aid. More from Adam Bonaccorsi


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