What to LISTEN for: Ravens/Colts

Tonight’s game between the Baltimore Ravens and former-Baltimore Colts will surely give us our best look at our starting offense and defense, and will hopefully provide a clearer picture for positional group battles where a stalemate currently resides (receiver, tight end, corner, etc.).

If you’re looking for a more in-depth look at what to watch for tonight, be sure to check out Todd Karpovich’s thoughtfully thorough piece here. 

As for this? 

This is not that.

Instead, let’s take a look at the inevitable garbage that we’ll hear spewed from the broadcast tonight, the terrible hot takes, and the eventual reaches and overreactions to come. 

Ryan Grant vs literally every Ravens receiver

You know it’s coming. The moment that once-Raven-sike-not-Raven WR Ryan Grant catches a single pass, the Ravens wideouts are on the clock. If by chance Grant nabs more passes or totals more yards than a Ravens wideout? The Twitters and Facebooks are going to blow up with the worst hot takes you’ve seen since … well, since I guess the last time somebody tried to tell you Lamar Jackson should be the starting QB this year. 

NEWS FLASH: Ryan Grant is going to catch a pass. Likely passes. He’s currently listed as the Colts WR2, so to think otherwise is pretty friggin’ silly isn’t it?

Should we panic if Michael Crabtree has less grabs or less yards? Sure ya should!

If you’re playing preseason fantasy football. Otherwise, you should just keep drinking whilst watching the game and probably blaming Ozzie for reneging on a contract that he should’ve taken because of a singular half-assed preseason where the main goal is staying healthy. 

The Irsay Story

Admittedly, I was but a glisten in my father’s eye when Bobert Irsay slithered over to Indy along with a caravan of Mayflower trucks and the entire Baltimore Colts franchise. 

Some will blame the city of Baltimore- those folks all live in Indy, Cleveland, or DC (they hate Baltimore). They’ll also defend the move saying “it’s the same as Baltimore did to Cleveland!” which is a far cry from the truth. 

Regardless, we’ll hear about this 34-year-old story at some juncture during the broadcast tonight. Personally? I think I’ll roll my eye, post the OG Robert Downey Jr eye roll gif, and let Jim Irsay know where his franchise stands by use of a snake emoji. 

More Helmet Penalties

If the rule stays in place, Vegas would be foolish to not have a line for this particular penalty in every single regular season game, right?

I’m gonna post my personal over/under at… let’s go with 4 tonight. 

I also think half of those will be incorrectly enforced, simply because the rule itself is more ambiguous than the Catch Rule (RIP 2017) and the officials just don’t know how to enforce it based on the info they have at hand. 

I must caution everyone though: TAKE IT IN STRIDE.

They’ll over-call it in the preseason, then settle down in the regular season. There’s a chance the rule gets tweaked (I’d like to see the rule simply add the phrase “player is not leading with arms in attempt to tackle,” and I think that clearly defines the penalty). Hell, there’s a chance they wipe it out.

But for now, we just stick to the routine: see flag, hear bad penalty call, audibly yell at TV, tweet about it, drink, repeat.

The Jalen Ramsey Comments

It’s preseason, so there won’t be a ton to discuss in-game, so obviously, we’ll hear about Jalen Ramsey’s comments in regard to Joe Flacco and Lamar Jackson (and probably Andrew Luck, but I don’t care). 

My 2 cents?

Ramsey is a loud mouth with two years in the league who acts like he knows everything about every QB, despite facing them limited times, if at all. He’s simply looking for attention (obviously- the quote came from a GQ article).

Hey Jalen, you can be a fireball in the league without being a douche. Steve Smith Sr is the perfect example of that belly fire showing up on and off the field, while simultaneously not being a bon a fide asshole. 

Ramsey? Just an attention seeking, arrogant Jag off. 

And if you don’t believe it’s all for attention? Let me direct you to the fact that he talked down on every QB except his own in Blake Bortles, who is just… absolutely… atrocious.

More Ghost Stories

Oh Breshad Perriman…

Who ever would’ve thought a failed first round pick that’s likely to get cut from the roster is literally the second biggest talking point on the Ravens offense this preseason?

(Lamar is the first)

In the Hall of Fame game, Perriman saw the field for a quarter million snaps, had a major drop-turned-pick, and had everyone saying “cut him.” A week later, Perriman gets dropped to the bottom of the depth chart, plays the 4th quarter only, makes a huge trio of catches against practice squad fodder, and suddenly everyone is back on the “maybe he figured it out!” bandwagon. 

Sigh…

We’ll hear a ton tonight about Perriman’s “progress” because he caught some passes last week, despite being demoted along the way, regardless of when he comes in tonight. If somebody @ me with a Perriman comment, I’ve already decided to light you up. 

Enjoy.

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What other obnoxious storylines are you looking forward to facepalm about tonight?