Browns Fans: Sad Yet Still Obnoxious

I gotta tell ya folks… Purple Friday is starting to feel much more ‘real’ around Baltimore these days! 

I think that win in Pittsburgh last week truly gave the fanbase that much needed swagger we’ve been missing for so long. For the past few years, we’ve eeked wins out in those type of games, but to go into the Yinzer capital of Pennsylvania and take down the perennial AFC North champs? And do so in extremely convincing fashion?

Brings back all of the enjoyment of the days when Sizzle used to rock this shirt.

For those who missed it, and those that want to relive the glory, here’s the quick recap of last week:

LAST WEEK: RAVENS 26 YINZ 14

Right out of the gates, Tomlin and his boys got cocky, thinking that they’d defer after winning the coin toss and sticking the Ravens with the ball first in a hostile environment. 

Bad. Move.

Joe Flacco marched the troops straight down the field, and capitalized with a Smokey Brown 33-yard touchdown strike and immediately, the towels were tucked under the seats. The Ravens followed that drive up with a second consecutive drive, this time culminating with an Alex Collins three-yard touchdown reception.

14-0 Ravens in the first seven minutes. Silence in Steel Town USA (which isn’t even all about Steel anymore, it’s like saying Natty Boh is still made in Baltimore).

Of course, we all know what happens next. Pittsburgh tacks on a pair of chip shot field goals (the only kind Chris Boswell can make), followed by an Antonio Brown circus catch TD, and a James Conner two-point conversion.

Tie game. Half time.

Then Wink Martindale said “enough of this garbage,” and Marty keep the offense full throttle, as the Ravens shut out the Steelers offense in the second half, while Flacco keep the drives going to tack on four Justin Tucker field goals.

26-14 victory sealed with a nice Anthony Levine pick and that’s all she wrote. The Steelers are 1-2-1 with an 0-2 home record and I just love this life.

THIS WEEK: RAVENS @ BROWNS

The Ravens travel to Cleveland this Sunday for a 1pm showdown with the 1-2-1 Browns. I would call them the last place Browns, but that title is reserved for the Steelers right now.

I’ll save the X’s and O’s here and talk about the 3 deciding factors of this game instead:

1. Ravens treat Mayfield like they treat every rookie signal caller they face.
2. Ravens defense stifling the Browns’ 2nd ranked rushing attack (150 ypg)
3. The Ravens offense continuing to do what they’ve done all season

Should those 3 things go right for Harbs’ boys – and they will – the Ravens should take away a W. 

Some folks will cry “trap game.” I simply don’t see it. The Ravens are rocking a top-5 offense and a top-5 defense. That’s not the type of team that would succumb to a trap game, and the way both sides of the ball seem to keep their foot on the throttle regardless of the score? You should calm yourself with that narrative.

Prediction: 

Rest of the Slate

Come for the Ravens victory. Stay for the other gems on the schedule.

Falcons @ Steelers. Sunday, 1pm. Would you believe me if I told you through four weeks, Matt Ryan and Ben Roethlisberger have two combined wins? Or would you just laugh knowing that one of them will end up with only one win through five weeks following this game?

Rams @ Seahawks. Sunday, 4:25pm. I have this game circled for two reasons: I love watching this Rams offense work, and I want to see how quiet the 12th man has become with a team that has two losses, and eeked out two wins vs atrocious teams. The Legion of Boom is now the Legion of Boo. The 12th Man is like 11.5th Man. At least they have basketball and hockey to fall back on…oh, right.

Vikes @ Eagles. Sunday, 4:25pm. Two teams from last year’s NFC Championship Game are both struggling mightily right now. The Vikes defense is nonexistent, and the Eagles offense hasn’t gotten back to its old ways. So who turns it around on Sunday? My guess is the Eagles.

Skins @ Saints. Monday, 8:25pm. The Skins are coming off a bye week, while the Saints are coming off 3 straight W’s. The Skins have a very good defense with a mediocre offense, while the Saints have a *fire emoji* offense and a piss poor defense. Somebody is going to get embarrassed in this game and I’ve got my head and heart looking for a Nawlins victory. Fail to the Redskins!

Rank ‘Em!

I could go so many directions this week, but I’m feeling arrogant as hell and quite frankly, Cleveland annoys me, so we’re going to take the low blow route this week.

Top-5 Most Obnoxious Things About Cleveland Sports

5. “Believeland.” Nobody believes. Hell, even LeBron didn’t believe in y’all when he was in Cleveland. That’s why you’d see him sporting Indians… then the Cowboys. Spekaing of the King…

4. Fickle LeBron stans. Remember when you drafted that kid from Akron, Ohio? Remember how unbelievable he was? Remember how much you all loved him as your hometown hero? Then remember when he left and your owner ripped him to shreds and all of you burned his jerseys and verbally assaulted the hell out of him… but then he wanted to come back and everyone just acted like it never happened and bought new jerseys and covered your ears when people asked how you can flip so easily? Sad…

3. Double Mascots. You get one. You don’t get an elf (why?) and a dog. As a matter of fact, since you have ‘the dawg pound’ I think you should be required to have ‘the fairy garden’ too for your elvenkind. 

2. Tony Grossi. The dude has spent the duration of his career grandstanding against NFL Legend Art Modell and his path to the NFL Hall of Fame. For some ungodly reason, people listen to him and Art remains on the outside looking in (not literally, that would be creepy). 

1. The team name “Browns.” If you don’t know why Cleveland’s football team is named the Browns, go play with Google. The short version is super fun: Paul Brown. They named the team after their first owner and GM. Great creativity, Cleveland! Paul Brown even tried a different name – the Panthers – but it wasn’t going to stick. Something about some schmuck ‘owning the name’ or something. But ultimately, the franchise was named after their owner, and slapped with a plain orange helmet, and given 2 mascots, and here we are today.

Oh wait- one other little piece of history worth mentioning: guess who inevitably fired Paul Brown – the namesake of the team – from the football franchise?