We agree on very little as a species.
Discourse on politics or race incites red-faced ire before the first sentence finds its final punctuation, and Heaven forbid the topics of masks, vaccines or sexual orientations make their way into a conversation. We argue about carbs, the legitimacy of perceived insurrections or the “real” color of a dress on social media.
People have gone to war over real estate, faith and the smile of a pretty girl, and the average marriage seems to last only slightly longer than a head-coaching gig in Jacksonville. Newspapers are filled every day with stories of murders, rapes and assaults, and a remote-control-fueled journey through cable news programs can be enough to make you want to fight… actually, anybody.
We’re nasty little vermin, if you really take the time to think about it.
But in a search of those elusive ties that bind, there are a few faint glimmers of hope. Betty White was one individual we all seemed to enjoy to some extent. Dolly Parton has mostly stayed on people’s good sides. Eli Apple? Well, nobody seems very fond of Eli Apple.
Apple, the cornerback for the Cincinnati Bengals who is usually easy to find because you can read his name on the back of his jersey while he’s chasing down yet another receiver who stole his lunch money, talks. I don’t mean he’s a great communicator on the back end who helps get his guys in position. I mean he smacks his gums. Too much. Far too much.
You see, there is kind of a sliding scale in sports when it comes to acceptable trash-talk. You can run your mouth if you back it up. Great player? Fire away. Good, contributing player who helps his team win? Get in the fun a bit. That’s allowed.
Play your way out of two cities because you can’t cover a statue with two sets of handcuffs and a stun gun? Go to a third team, get on the field because of early-season injuries and then perform like the weakest part of your organization that’s not part of the offensive line? Zip your face. Every inch of it.
So, when Apple — or former Titan Tajae Sharpe, for that matter — runs his mouth, it only irritates people. Joe Burrow can be a little cocky because Joe Burrow delivers more often than not. Ja’Marr Chase can toot his own horn a bit because Chase was a major reason for the Bengals’ success this past season.
But Apple? That would be like Bud talking smack because “The Cosby Show” was a hit. You know, if Bud was a dumpster fire every time he stepped foot in front of the camera and nearly brought the show down by himself.
So, yes, many NFL players were absolutely delighted in watching Apple get cored by Cooper Kupp in the Super Bowl. Many fans, too. Tweets and Retweets were flying into that good night once Kupp beat Apple for the winning touchdown, and the world just seemed like a better place for that one moment in time.
Today, I submit an open nomination to the good people at the Nobel Institute to include Eli Apple as candidate for recognition during next December’s honors. Apple is a man who can bring us together in common cause.
Even if that cause might be vitriol and hate.
